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白岩松:打死也不让儿子住校!住校带给孩子的危害,远超父母想象

发布日期:2024-08-23 03:25:51编辑:网络收集

从长远来看,让中小学孩子住校,就是“拣了芝麻丢了西瓜。”

一对夫妻,一旦有了孩子,生活几乎就很难再有属于自己的时间。所以,为人父母,总盼望着孩子长大。盼了幼儿园、盼小学,盼了小学盼初中……就想着有朝一日孩子上了初中住了校,我们就可以从鸡飞狗跳的生活中解脱,重新开始二人世界了。

比如我,自从禾禾上了小学,我就经常半开玩笑的给禾禾爸说,等女儿上了初中就让她住校,这样我们就能彻底解放了。

可是自从我前段时间跟朋友聊了聊这个话题,并查阅了一些资料,深入了解了下“住校”这件事背后的秘密,我即刻下了决定,初中说什么也不会让禾禾住校。

01 住校三年,女儿性格大变

朋友是全职妈妈,老公做生意,家里经济条件还算不错,于是响应国家政策生了三胎,可是自从有了三胎,朋友便无法兼顾老大、老二的学习。于是老大刚上初中就住了校,老二也斥巨资送到了我们这的寄宿制小学。

上个周末去这个朋友家玩,恰好碰到这两位许久未见的小女孩。本想着好好跟她俩聊聊天,提前了解下她们的住校生活。

没想到原本活泼可爱又亲人的老二,现在根本不理我,性格变得敏感、自卑、唯唯诺诺。从我进他家门到离开,连个阿姨都没喊。

而之前一直很文静内向的老大,也不知何时起变得暴躁易怒,三句话不离“wc、草泥马”之类的口头语,俨然一个“街溜子”,言语间听着好像还早恋了。

面对俩女儿性格的改变,朋友既愧疚又无奈,尤其是小女儿。本以为多花钱让孩子上最好的寄宿制学校,会给女儿一个更好的前程,没想到女儿却一天比一天内向、自卑敏感。

谈起我想让禾禾初中住校的问题,朋友总会劝我:自己有精力,千万不要让孩子住校,尤其是处于叛逆期的初中孩子,很容易被带坏,甚至早恋影响学习。

02白岩松:打死我也没让我的孩子住校

作为央视著名主持人,白岩松和妻子可以称得上成功人士。应该是很多网友眼中没有太多时间去照顾孩子的父母。

不过只要你对白岩松夫妻稍微有所了解,你就会发现,他们夫妻俩不仅事业成功,在教育子女上也非常成功。

在普通人看来,像他们这样的名人,赚钱多、工作又很忙,肯定很难抽出时间照顾孩子,把孩子送到寄宿制的贵族学校应该是最佳选择。

然而夫妻俩却没有这么做,在《对话白岩松:人生的关系》节目中,白岩松表示:打死我也没让我的孩子住宿!

在教育儿子白清扬上,夫妻二人不鸡不卷不躺平,主打的就是一个”榜样的力量“和“高质量的陪伴”。

现实生活中,父母选择让孩子早早的住校,无非两点原因。一是希望孩子尽早独立。二是工作太忙,无暇照顾孩子,不得已送孩子去住校。

这两个理由,表面上看都是不得已,为孩子好,实际上却是在推卸自己做父母的责任。

著名青少年教育专家尹建莉说:”我是明确反对寄宿制的,如果把孩子和父母隔绝开来,就可以锻炼出很强的自理能力;把孩子早早送入集体生活中,就可以有很好的集体意识、善于和人合作——按照这样的逻辑,孤儿院的孩子受到的早期教育应该是最好的。

而事实却是,在孤儿院长大的孩子大部分有较重的心理问题。

学校作为学生成长和学习的场所,除了提供教育之外,还充当了一个微型社会的角色。孩子如果过早离开父母,进入这个社会,就要独自面对处理各种问题。

如果因处理能力不足,而处理不好,对孩子的心灵带来的伤害,父母可能一生都难以弥补。

所以,但凡了解过”过早住校带给孩子何种伤害“的普通父母,名人以及教育专家们,都不愿意过早的让孩子住校。

03聪明父母为何都不愿意让孩子过早的住校?

20世纪60年代,罗马尼亚的领导人尼古拉为了刺激生育,颁布了反堕胎法案,导致该国出现了巨大的婴儿出生潮。

但是由于很多家庭养不起那么多孩子,于是,20年间,数十万名婴儿被陆续送进了孤儿院。

对此,很多民众怨声载道,但是也无能为力。

直到多年后尼古拉下台,一些致力于儿童发展心理研究的学者才有机会对这些孤儿进行救助,并予以跟踪研究。

结果发现:孤儿院的大多数孤儿虽然得到了最基本的照顾,但却因为缺少父母的爱和陪伴,变得目光呆滞、不会哭泣、不会交流,很多孩子都患上了不同程度的心理疾病,变得异常敏感。

此外,研究人员还扫描了这些孩子的大脑,结果发现,大多数孩子大脑中的白质纤维束都出现了异常,智力出现了明显的缺陷。

美国科学家研究发现:5岁前是儿童智力发育的最佳时期,如果把17岁时人所达到的智力水平看做100%的话,那么其中80%左右是在8岁前完成的。

经济日益发达的今天,寄宿制学校虽然可以满足孩子的物质需求,锻炼孩子的独立能力,培养孩子的团队意识,但是却很难满足孩子的心理及精神需求。

父母的陪伴是给孩子最好的礼物,是孩子最好的成长之路。

现实生活中,越来越多的事实已经告诉了我们,缺席孩子成长的父母,即使是给孩子提供再优渥的物质条件,再优异的天赋。缺少了父母的陪伴,他们也很难成长为一个智力、心理健全的孩子。

一个儿童的健康成长,离不开温暖和谐的家庭环境,尤其是母亲的关爱。

尹建莉说:”父母是最好的老师,亲情是最好的营养品,餐桌是最好的课桌,家是最出色的学校。“

父母过早的将孩子送进学校住宿,就如过早的剥夺走孩子的营养品、老师、课桌和学校,不仅会影响孩子安全感和归属感的建立,严重的话还会影响孩子大脑、心理、情感、行为的正常发育。

【最后写给父母的话】

性格决定命运,0-12岁是孩子性格形成的关键时期。而父母的陪伴、参与,都在无形中决定着孩子性格的形成。

作为父母,如果你的孩子还未满12岁,那么除非是您有迫不得已的理由,必须要让孩子住宿外,其它有条件,或者有其它办法的父母,还是要尽量让孩子在父母的陪伴下上完初中,即使有些辛苦,但这一切都是值得的,因为任何东西,都不可能弥补寄宿生活给孩子带来的伤害。

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