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父母做到这3点,亲子冲突再也不是问题啦!值得收藏!

发布日期:2024-08-31 00:16:38编辑:胖虎爱撩妹

在现实生活中,许多父母们都知道,当自己在与领导、同事、朋友、亲戚甚至配偶相处时,有时候为了避免严峻的冲突,或者为了维持一段良好的关系,他们自身需要做出一定的改变。
 
其实,我们每个人在身边的各种关系里,为了扮演好自己的角色,或多或少地都会做出一定的改变,以此更好地与人交流。
 
但是,当我们面对自己的孩子时,父母们更多地会认为是孩子需要做出改变,来适应父母。
 
所以,当亲子冲突出现时,父母们大多会想当然地认为,只有问题儿童,没有问题父母。
 
这其实是父母的权威在作祟。其实,很多时候,父母应当把孩子同大人一般看待,当矛盾出现时,父母也需要改变自己对孩子的态度,只有这样,亲子关系才能够和谐顺畅。
 
那么,问题来了,父母应该如何改变自己,以避免亲子冲突呢?
 
 
 
01 接纳自己真实的样子
 
许多研究表明,一个人接纳他人的程度和接纳自身的程度之间存在直接关系。
 
这也就是说,父母如果能够更多地接纳自己,那么,他们也能够接纳孩子的许多行为。相反,如果父母对自己过分挑剔,那么,他们对孩子也不会更宽容。
 
所以,为人父母,我们必须学会接纳自己真实的样子,那么,如何才能够做到呢?
 
这种情况下,父母需要获得自我觉醒,只有自我觉醒了,才能够接纳真实的自己。所谓自我觉醒,它是一种时时刻刻存在的知觉。在《不与自我对抗,你就会更强大》这本书中,有这样一个例子:
 
卡洛琳有两个女儿,在照顾她们的时候,对女儿们的调皮,卡洛琳表现得越来越焦躁,有时甚至会对她们心怀恨意,这种可怕的想法让她感到深深的羞愧与无助。
 
作者克里斯托弗告诉卡洛琳,照顾者和被照顾者之间产生一些憎恨是很自然的事情,这种感觉是可以被接受的。
 
卡洛琳意识到了这一点,回家后,当她再次对女儿产生恨意时,她以一种开放的心态去接受这种恨意,而不是自责与羞愧。让她惊奇的是,当她接受了恨意时,发现自己越来越喜欢女儿,而女儿也变得越来越乖。
 
由此可见,卡洛琳感知到自己对女儿的恨意,当她重新审视并接纳这份恨意时,负面的情绪却突然消失了,取而代之的是更为健康的亲子关系。
 
因此,很多时候,当我们深陷亲子冲突的困扰时,不妨静下心来,仔细感知自己的情绪,我们可以从深呼吸开始,时刻感知情绪在我们体内的流转。
 
只有这样,我们才能够认识到自己情绪的存在,并学会去接纳它们。当我们接纳了情绪,也就接纳了自己。
 
 
02 接纳孩子与父母的不同
 
很多父母喜欢把孩子视为自己的私有物,他们认为自己拥有了孩子,他们还会认为,孩子是自己生命的延续,因此,孩子理应成长为他们想要的样子。
 
还有一些父母,他们口口声声说自己喜欢孩子,可是他们的行为却向孩子们传递,自己只喜欢某一类型的孩子。
 
比如,一个看重体育的父亲,通常不太会喜欢一个没有丝毫体育兴趣与天赋的孩子;一个看重外貌的母亲,可能也不太会喜欢一个长相丑陋的女儿。
 
另外,还有一类父母,他们非常看重自己过往的经验,因此对自己长此以往秉持的价值观极为肯定,他们想当然地认为孩子也应该接受他们这种正确无疑的价值观。
 
以上种种父母,都自信地以为孩子和自己是一样的,是不可分离的。因此,当孩子的行为与他们认为的有所偏颇时,他们会持以拒绝的态度。
 
然而,不管父母是否愿意承认,孩子终究会在日复一日中与父母渐行渐远,慢慢走向分离。
 
说到底,父母应当正视自己与孩子的关系,他们必须意识到,孩子未来的道路和方向将会拥有无限的可能性,一代人的思想,也未必能够一成不变地复制到下一代身上。
 
因为,社会在进步,人类在发展,唯有变化才是永恒。
 
只有意识到了这一点,父母才能够从根本上接纳孩子的不同,允许孩子成长为一个有自主意识的独立自由人。如此,他们才更有可能接纳孩子的一些行为。
 
 
 
03 亲子关系不是第一位
 
经常听到许多妈妈们吐槽:有了孩子以后,生活的重心全都围着孩子打转,看着孩子健康快乐地长大,是她们生活中的唯一乐趣了。
 
这些妈妈们将亲子关系置于家庭生活的首位,想当然地为孩子做出各种牺牲,期待着孩子有朝一日能够出人头地,有所作为。
 
在她们看来,亲子关系是她们的一笔很大的投资。这就意味着,孩子的表现对她们至关重要。
 
这种父母是最为焦虑一类父母,也是最为辛苦的。他们要求自己必须一刻不停地对孩子进行看护、指导与监督,同时,他们又很难容忍孩子犯错误,或者在他们的人生道路上有什么大的过失。
 
他们一门心思的想要保护自己的孩子,却没有多余的时间留给伴侣。这是非常不明智的。
 
聪明的父母懂得婚姻关系才是家庭里的首位,孩子虽然也很重要,但却是次要的。
 
这样的父母懂得营造良好的家庭氛围,允许孩子拥有更多的独立与自由。他们只会在孩子需要的时候,才出现在他们身边。
 
这种父母无疑也是关心孩子的,但是他们却并不焦虑,他们也不会让孩子因为关注而透不过气来。
 
他们过好了自己的人生,经营好了自己的婚姻,让家里的风水变得更加清亮活泼,孩子也在这种和谐氛围的滋养下变得更好。
 
写在最后:
 
维斯冠曾说:父母和子女,是彼此赠予的最佳礼物。
 
诚然,所谓父母子女,不过是一场关于爱的修行。
 
因此,为了预防亲子冲突,父母必须接纳自己,爱自己,只有这样,才能够接纳我们的孩子,从而更好地去爱他们。
 
相信在一个拥有良好风水的家庭里长大的孩子,他们的未来一定不会太差。

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