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孩子边做作业边玩手机，背后的原因是这个，被多数家长忽略了！

发布日期：2024-08-31 23:58:40编辑：胖虎爱撩妹

傍晚孩子在楼下玩耍，无意中听到旁边的妈妈们在聊天，内容是关于孩子上学后作业和玩的问题。
 
一位妈妈说：“你家孩子上学后适应不适应呢？我女儿后半年就上三年级了，现在每天回家还是就想的玩，想培养她回家写作业的习惯，我可不想陪她写作业写到鸡飞狗跳。”
 
另一位妈妈回应到：“小孩子都贪玩，长大点就好了。我家老大上了初中明显知道学习了，好多了。今年小的刚上一年级，学校没什么作业，回来可不就是玩。”
 
第三位妈妈插话：“可不行，我听一个专家说，孩子的习惯要从小培养呢。我家的准备上幼小衔接了，现在已经每天晚上学习一个小时，等上学就适应了。”
 
旁边一位爷爷看着这边很久了，等到几位妈妈说到这里，站起来说：“你们还是能管就尽早管吧，我家孙子小的时候放在我们这边，我们就没有管学习，后来大了回到他爸爸妈妈身边，不爱学习，每天和他父母闹的不行。”
 
孩子上学后，到底该怎么玩，怎么学习，这不是简单的时间分配的问题。孩子贪玩背后的心理动力到底是什么样的，家长该怎么处理呢？
 
 
01 父母对孩子的期待转变了
 
是不是像前面那位妈妈说到的“小孩子都是贪玩的”，其实不能这么说。孩子爱玩是天性，而且游戏是孩子幼儿期学习的最主要方式。那么，孩子怎么从符合年龄的学习方式中的玩转变成家长眼中的“贪”呢？
 
幼儿通过游戏进行学习的探索，所以学龄前的幼儿玩游戏并不会受到家长过分的关注。上学后，家长的注意力一下子集中到孩子身上，开始关注孩子的学习时间，孩子玩到一定的时长就超出家长的期待，就被定义成为贪玩。
 
妞妞特别喜欢洋娃娃，今年刚刚上小学一年级，每天放学回家都会把自己的娃娃全部拿出来，一个个挨着抱一遍，轮流和娃娃聊天，给娃娃讲故事，告诉娃娃自己一天在学校都做了什么，有的时候还要给娃娃讲讲课。
 
一开始妈妈觉得还挺好的，觉得女儿挺喜欢上学的，每天给娃娃讲学到什么也是复习呢。但是，时间长了，妞妞妈妈觉得不行了，感觉女儿花费在娃娃身上的时间太多了，这么多时间不如多做几页口算题学习效率更高。
 
这么一想，就开始干涉妞妞玩娃娃的时间，和孩子说：“妞妞，别和娃娃玩儿了，去做几页口算题吧。”妞妞头也不抬的说：“我不，我就要和娃娃玩。”妈妈不满意的走过来说：“别玩娃娃了，都上学了，怎么每天还这么贪玩？”
 
在这其中，孩子自始至终没有发生过什么变化，只因为妈妈期待的方向发生了变化，孩子的行为就成了有问题的“贪玩”。
 
 
 
02 孩子通过玩手机对抗家长
 
一档电视节目中对当地几所小学三年级以上的学生进行走访调查，专门了解孩子玩手机、打游戏的时间，以及家长是怎么管理的。
 
调查发现，三年级以上的孩子，逐渐的步入青春期，每天回家面对父母只是念叨学习，在其他方面的关心和陪伴少之又少，非常的不满意。因此，就通过手机的聊天软件找同学聊天，玩网络游戏和父母对抗。
 
这些孩子都明确表示，自己是能够认识到玩手机对学习成绩的负面影响。而对于为什么还要继续玩，大部分孩子的答案中都透漏出对父母只问学习、只关心成绩的不满意，想通过手机来释放情绪、缓解学习压力。
 
也有少部分孩子说，自己对手机已经有了一定的依赖，忍不住想玩，经常会玩的忘记了时间。
 
那么，孩子为什么会通过玩手机来对抗家长呢？大部分原因是玩手机比较方便，隐蔽性比较好。孩子到底是学习还是玩手机家长很难严格管控，所以对于孩子来说是真的便携。
 
但这其中需要家长反思的应该是孩子表达出的情绪。父母为什么只剩关心孩子的学习成绩了？有的家长解释想了解孩子一天在学校的状况，孩子每天都是在学校，不谈学校谈什么呢？家长也是被感为难，什么都不问自己不放心，问的多了就让孩子产生“只注重学习”的误解。
 
 
 
03 如何对孩子高效陪伴
 
上学的第一学期大部分家长对孩子回家就玩是接受的，一年级下学期家长的态度就开始发生转变，三年级时孩子对抗家长的局面就会初步形成。这种局面在很多学生家庭中或多或少的存在。
 
孩子上学、放学是老人负责接送，生活起居是老人协助完成，父母对孩子的责任就是检查作业、辅导功课。这种对抗在无形中就会形成，对抗的背后是父母忽略了孩子情感的需要，孩子对父母陪伴的缺失只能够通过游戏的方式来填补。
 
那么，父母日常工作也非常忙，怎么才能避免孩子的这种缺失呢？
 
最方便可行的方式就是父母和孩子培养一种孩子喜欢的爱好，定期陪孩子一起玩，这种爱好可以是体育的球类运动、可以是一些益智的棋类游戏、或者陪孩子参加各种亲子营活动，都能够成为父母高质量陪伴孩子的娱乐活动。
 
父母要在孩子的成长陪伴上投入更多的心力，然后在关心孩子的学习成绩就是水到渠成的事情。而不是孩子考试成绩多少，才可以得到某种“陪伴”的奖励。家长对孩子关心陪伴的已经本末倒置，这种条件式学习影响了孩子学习的兴趣，导致孩子学习注意力不集中，只能通过玩手机释放情绪和学习压力。
 
04 总结
 
父母在养育孩子时，最初的愿望是希望孩子健康快乐的成长，可是随着孩子的成长，剥夺掉孩子成长中快乐的往往也是父母。父母只有深刻意识到孩子先要成长，才是学习的顺序，让孩子在成长中得到足够的爱与滋养，孩子的学习才能顺利而完整的进行。

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