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抢玩具、打人……孩子有攻击性行为,父母要这样引导

发布日期:2024-08-31 00:27:27编辑:胖虎爱撩妹

朋友家的小宝常被小区里家长投诉,主要就是小宝常常会因为人家不给他玩具玩而急的去抢,或是跟人玩时候把人给抓伤了,有时候还会因为人家不跟他玩,而跟人家生气要打人……
 
因为这样,朋友家的小宝被家长们贴上了“爱攻击性”的标签,很多家长自然是为了保护自家的孩子,都叮嘱宝宝们不要跟他玩。看着儿子眼中想跟人玩的渴望,作为家长当然心疼,但是孩子喜欢打人的情况确实存在。
 
孩子的“攻击性”行为让闺蜜很烦扰,担心孩子一直这样,会变成习惯性暴力,到时候会被人孤立。而且她觉得孩子这种行为必须要制止,当有家长投诉,闺蜜就会对孩子进行惩罚,例如不让孩子出去玩,看到孩子要打人,就打他手或屁股等,但是孩子行为并没有大的改进。
 
 
其实,每个孩子都有攻击性,攻击性是人的一种本性,攻击性是一种生命力象征。对于孩子的攻击性,我们首先要搞懂的是每个孩子有多强的攻击性。
 
一、孩子的攻击性有多强?
 
其实当每个婴儿出生时候,就都具有攻击性。你看他会抓人,他会打人,不高兴,小拳头就挥到妈妈脸上,他会咬人。吃奶时被孩子咬地疼痛感,很多妈妈应该都记得,他会哭会闹,十八般武艺样样都会,这些都是孩子攻击性的表达,也是他们生存下来的必备能力,不同阶段他们有不同的”关键性需求“。
 
孩子在2-3岁时候,这是孩子成长过程中的第一个反抗期。这个时期孩子拥有朦胧的“物品归属权”、“这事我做主”、“这是我的地盘”,孩子很多行为都是为了争取权益,表达自己的需求。而这个时期我们看到孩子之间小矛盾,大多数都是因为抢玩具等问题。
 
孩子在4-5岁时候,进入“战斗期”。他们好斗,攻击性较强,加上孩子语言发展还没充分,孩子之间相处就容易产生纠纷。但他们的攻击性,好斗的力量,特别是男孩子,却关乎孩子未来的竞争力,所以需要家长和老师给予孩子正确引导和鼓励教育。
 
而对于孩子的攻击性,在他的成长过程中会慢慢进行自我修正。而这其中家长和老师帮助,就非常重要。据相关数据统计,关于攻击程度比较重的孩子也占4%-8%,这就意味着大部分孩子攻击性是可以改善,也是正常的。
 
再说没有任何一个孩子会天生任意去乱攻击。父母、老师面对孩子的攻击性,我们首先要做的是去了解情况,学会观察,找到孩子攻击行为的原因。
 
二、为什么孩子容易攻击人?
 
1.孩子自身方面是否有短板
 
首先,要看自家的孩子,是不是有冲动的个性,很容易脑子一热,不去思考就先动手了。还有的孩子我们经常看他上蹿下跳,跟小猴子一样,这样孩子有时候就喜欢去逗弄别人,惹大家不开心以此为乐。还有的小孩我们发现他的协调性,控制力方面比较笨拙,很容易撞到人,踩到人,有时候跟小朋友玩,经常把大家搭建的玩具给弄散了,于是被大家嫌弃,不爱跟他玩。还有很大部分的小朋友是语言发展有限,不能准确描述自己的感受,动作又比语言更快。
 
2.孩子不懂人际社交
 
攻击是孩子探索现实世界,表达亲密的一个表现。我家浩爷小时候喜欢谁,语言表达不清,就喜欢是用自己的肢体语言去表达,例如喜欢上去抱着人家,去抓着人家。那么在亲密接触过程中,有时候就会出现摩擦,这样孩子就容易被批评,人家就不愿意跟他玩。
 
浩爷有一段时间就非常叛逆,人家越不爱跟他玩,他越要在后面缠着人家要跟人玩。后来跟浩爷沟通后,他哭着跟妈妈说,我不是要抓他们,抱他们,我是想跟他们玩,为什么他们不爱跟我玩。后来,我给浩爷找了如何与小朋友正确交往的视频和绘本,慢慢引导孩子如何与人交往,表达需求,慢慢孩子在交往摸索中成长起来。
 
3.父母的影响,想要获得父母的关注
 
有个小朋友,是游乐场的常客,因为经常在游乐场里欺负小朋友,乱丢玩具,经常被家长或工作人员投诉。我观察到:只有这个时候那个埋头玩手机的妈妈,才会去留意她,训斥孩子,然后陪孩子玩一下,接着又回到位置上看手机,而这样的情况会发生很多次。
 
在孩子的世界,他们是很单纯的,你就是孩子最好的玩具,亲密的亲子关系需要一种情感引导,而孩子的攻击性表达也是一种情感表达。作为父母我们是孩子人生起步的引导师,我们要积极与孩子建立情感连接,让孩子在爱中克服自身困难,在爱中学会与人交往。
 
 
 
三、如何正确回应孩子的攻击性
 
我们也说过攻击性是人天生的,面对孩子的攻击性,有的家长一味指责、批评,但长期压抑孩子的攻击性,对孩子也是不利的,会让人有自卑,自我伤害,甚至犯罪。
 
最近,在网络上流传着很多校园霸凌的事件,例如江西一公园一个未成年女孩被群殴,这就是孩子攻击性没有受到约束的表现。长此以往,等待孩子就只有是法律。面对孩子的攻击性我们该如何引导管理呢?
 
1.以游戏方式介入,帮助孩子控制冲动
 
家长可以让孩子做一些富有节奏的动作,例如跳跃,奔跑,大声喊叫,家长在其中根据情况控制节奏。还要给孩子动的机会,让孩子多参加跳舞,骑自行车,跑步等活动,让孩子释放多余的精力,感受到放松,学会对自我进行管理。另一方面,家长也可以经常与孩子一起玩亲子游戏,例如枕头大战,让孩子在父母的爱中学会成长。
 
 
 
2.家长有意识引导孩子参与竞争
 
随着男孩的年龄增长,纯粹的肢体斗争,对他们来说并不足以让他们体现自己内在的力量。其实每个孩子内心都是渴望着包含有策略,冒险,热情,和成就的竞争,这就是为什么网游等游戏,会如此让孩子入迷,所以,父母可以在日常生活和游戏中,有意识的启发孩子这个部分的能力。
 
3.及时给孩子反馈与关注
 
每个孩子都渴望父母关注,作为父母我们要及时跟孩子沟通,对孩子成长过程中的错误给予引导和帮助,让孩子学会建立一个明确的清晰世界从“战斗”到策略转化。
 
每个人从诞生来的那一刻起就具备了攻击性,攻击性伴随着我们一生。攻击性是一种生命的象征,攻击性需要管理,但不是压抑,作为父母,我们要作孩子的表率,活出攻击性,学会管理攻击性。真正的攻击性,是敢于发声,表达自我需求,懂得学会拒绝,拥有无限创造力,打破墨守成规。
 
另外,父母用什么视角看待孩子的攻击性,用什么方式对待孩子的攻击性,将对孩子一生有着重要的影响。愿每一个父母与孩子的攻击性和谐相处,学会做自己,变成一个人格强大的人。

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