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“你真棒”教育很普遍，到底对孩子是好是坏？

发布日期：2024-08-31 23:59:08编辑：胖虎爱撩妹

孩子第一次穿衣服，奶奶满心欢喜：“我孙子真棒，都会自己穿衣服了！”
 
孩子第一次独自上幼儿园，妈妈赞赏的说：“我宝真棒，上幼儿园都不哭！”
 
孩子第一次考试满分，全家人都轮番认可孩子，“考试满分，你真棒，真聪明！”
 
随着孩子一天天的长大，这种赞赏和认可改变了：
 
孩子第一次因为赖床而迟到，妈妈说：“怎么回事，越大反而越不懂事了呢？”
 
孩子第一次考试成绩不合格，奶奶说：“你这么聪明，下次一定能考好。”
 
孩子第一次和同学发生冲突，爸爸说：“怎么一天天的竟是惹事，在学校就不能好好学习吗？”
 
赏识教育的家庭养育文化下催生出的“你真棒”养育，到底是怎么使用的？家长的“你真棒”是对孩子成长的认可，还是对孩子摧毁埋下的隐患？
 
 
01 被错误使用的“你真棒”
 
“你真棒”这种理念是从上世纪九十年代大肆兴起的“赏识教育”理念中演变而来，被追求文化教育的家长口口相传而刮起，赏识教育被广为流传为“要多认可孩子，多夸夸孩子”。
 
而最开始传颂“赏识教育”理念的父母大多数是在棍棒教育下长大的，他们在成长过程中最缺乏的就是父母的赏识，很多人终其一生都在努力想得到父母的认可。
 
这种愿望就被延续在对孩子的“你真棒”教育中：
 
10岁的琪琪就是在妈妈的“你真棒”理念下长大，妈妈很认真努力的培养琪琪的兴趣爱好，琪琪也非常争气，琴棋书画样样没有让妈妈失望，虽然琪琪时常觉得很辛苦，不想再练琴、画画，但是妈妈每次都夸她“你真棒”。
 
直到五年级第一次数学成绩不及格，妈妈竟然大发雷霆：“我在你身上付出这么多，你就是这么回报我的吗？”琪琪吓的大哭起来，她完全不知道妈妈为什么一下子变成这个样子。
 
实际上这次的数学成绩老师已经在课堂上说明，由于试题偏难的原因，全班及格的同学只有12名，所以50分以上的同学成绩就都是中上水平。但是，琪琪的妈妈在无法顾及这些客观因素时，自己的情绪就已经崩溃了。
 
探究原因，在于琪琪姥爷是非常严格的家长，及时琪琪妈妈很努力，得到的最多只是“不能骄傲，不能自己翘尾巴。”在琪琪妈妈内心深处，有一份渴求得到认可的执念，所以在琪琪身上就展示出不能接受琪琪不及格的事实。
 
众所周知，孩子的养育大多是以父母主观理念为主，所以不同成长环境成长的父母，有完全不同的教育理念，对孩子成长的影响同样也是完全不同的。
 
而在很多时候“你真棒”养育被家长错误的使用，他们不是真的在赏识孩子，对孩子的表面认可背后饱含着更大的行为控制，一旦孩子表现不如意时，就会有很突发情绪表现出来，给孩子造成非常大的压力，甚至是伤害。
 
 
 
02 如何合理赏识教育
 
赏识教育不是表扬加鼓励，指的是赏识孩子的行为结果，以强化孩子的行为；是赏识孩子的行为过程，以激发孩子的兴趣和动机；创造环境，以指明孩子发展方向；适当提醒，增强孩子的心理体验，纠正孩子的不良行为。
 
诚诚爸爸也是赏识教育理念的支持者，在诚诚小的时候，爸爸对孩子的也会有“你真棒”的认可鼓励，但不同的是，诚诚爸爸对孩子的夸赞往往是在孩子努力突破自己、克服一定的困难的时候。
 
诚诚3岁多的时候，一次和爸爸妈妈外出爬山“探险”，在半山有几个非常陡峭的窄梯索道，妈妈主张抱着孩子过去，而爸爸蹲下询问诚诚，问：“小小男子汉，这个索道你可以自己上的去吗？还是需要爸爸的协助呢？”诚诚抬头看看高高的阶梯，想了想说：“爸爸，我可以试一试吗？”
 
就这样，爸爸在保障安全的前提之下，让诚诚靠着自己的力量和方法自己爬上索道。上去之后，同行的很多陌生人，都向诚诚竖起大拇指说：“小朋友，你几岁了，真棒呀！”，爸爸也转身对儿子说：“儿子，你真棒！”
 
同样的“你真棒”三个字，在琪琪身上成了行为控制，在诚诚身上培养了勇气品质。家长到底该如何在养育孩子中运用好“你真棒”的赏识教育，需要遵从三个原则：
 
 
 
第一，认可可见的行为，不盲目夸赞结果
 
对孩子努力向上的可见行为和动机进行“你真棒”的鼓励和认可，即使孩子在自己的努力尝试下没有达到预期的成绩，也要对实践动机进行认可。让孩子明白不是所有的尝试都会得到预期的结果，但是不怕困难、努力探索的勇气和行为是获得结果的品质，永远都值得“你真棒”的认可。
 
第二，表达认可态度真诚可靠
 
家长孩子表达“你真棒”的认可时，一定要向孩子说明认可的具体内容，能够就具体内容和孩子进行品质讨论。这可以让孩子明确自己得到鼓励的具体行为方向，明白自己行为背后塑造的内在品质内容。父母表达认可的态度越真诚可靠，对孩子的成长发展起到的指引作用就越明显。
 
第三，把握恰当的鼓励频率
 
对孩子进行“你真棒”的认可鼓励要掌握好恰当合适的频率，既不能一天几次、十几次的鼓励，让孩子感觉到的鼓励是父母的口头禅一般，会失去积极行为引导的作用。但是在塑造孩子某个具体的行为品质时，需要及时明确的鼓励认可，有助于孩子发展出自己的行为辨识能力，帮助快速建立具体的行为品质。
 
03 写在最后
 
随着时代发展，养一个孩子早就不再是多添一双筷子的事情。所以，当父母无论认可哪一种教育理念时，都请花费时间通过正确的渠道获得自己所认可的教育理念理论体系的完整结构。熟悉这种教育理念的优势区域，避免偏激认识带来错误的理论运用。
 
教育孩子的理念是孩子成长发展的核心根本，父母有多重视，孩子成长就会有多么的顺利！

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