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董宇辉:若孩子不会控制自己的脾气,那请家长给他讲讲这个故事

发布日期:2024-08-22 03:09:02编辑:网络收集

生活中,我们可能经常会遇到一些孩子,因为各种原因而突然发脾气、大哭大闹,甚至当众撒泼打滚。

比如,想要的玩具父母不给买,积木堆不好,输掉了比赛,作业不会写……

等各种在我们眼里,看似无关紧要的时刻,都可能成为他们情绪崩溃的导火索!

都说孩子的脸是六月的天,说变就变,刚刚还是艳阳天,下一秒说不定就大雨滂沱!

然而,这种突如其来的情绪转变,让许多家长都感到措手不及,很是苦恼。

那么,究竟是什么导致了孩子们情绪的不稳定呢?有没有什么办法可以帮助孩子更好的控制自己的情绪呢?接下来禾禾妈就带各位家长,深入了解下有关孩子情绪的一系列问题!

01是什么导致了孩子们情绪的不稳定?

俗话说解铃还须系铃人,想要帮助孩子养成良好的情绪调控能力,首先我们就要弄清楚,到底是什么导致了孩子们不稳定的情绪?

① 生理原因

脑科学研究发现:人类的大脑由“本能脑、情绪脑、理智脑“三部分组成,且三个大脑发育成熟的时间不同,本能脑早在婴儿时期(2岁左右)就比较完善了,情绪脑则要等到青春期早期(12岁左右)才趋于完善,而理智脑最晚,要等到成年早期(22岁左右)才基本发育成熟。

由此可见,12岁以下的孩子,主管认知的“理智脑”以及主管情绪的“情绪脑”还未发育成熟。

所以,日常生活中做的大部分决策,往往来自本能,因此,当他们面临一些困扰和疑惑时,较容易受情绪控制,难以有效控制自己的行为。

②家庭环境

根据一项大规模的家庭调查显示:家庭氛围紧张、亲子关系不佳的孩子,其情绪控制问题的发生率,明显高于家庭和谐的孩子。

关于这一点,我是深有体会的,因为我的妈妈就是一个情绪极不稳定的人,动不动就会因为一点小事大发雷霆,情绪失控。

打小就生活在这种氛围紧张的家庭环境中,我不知不觉也成为了这种人,要不是结婚后老公给我提醒,我现在还意识不到这个问题的严重性,并努力改正。

父母是孩子的第一任老师,年幼的孩子往往通过模仿父母的情绪表达方式,来建立自己的情绪表达方式。

如果你或者你的家人,无法控制自己的情绪,孩子就很难从家人那里学到如何有效地管理自己的情绪,从而变得情绪不稳定。

③教育方式

一项针对不同教育方式的对比研究发现:采用温和、理解、引导的教育方式,比采用严厉、惩罚的教育方式更能培养孩子的情绪控制能力。

比如说,当孩子A和B同时因为某事,感到愤怒或者沮丧时。

A孩子的父母,采取的是先安抚孩子的情绪,然后跟孩子沟通产生情绪的原因,接着引导孩子表达自己的感受,最后共同探讨解决问题的办法。

而B孩子的父母,看到愤怒的孩子,却只懂得对孩子进行批评或者惩罚,试图通过自己的权威压制孩子的情绪表达,让孩子听话。

长期下来,孩子A便可学会如何识别和处理自己的情绪,而孩子B则可能会变得易怒、暴躁,无法控制自己的情绪,甚至产生心理问题。

相比严厉、惩罚的教育方式,温和的教育方式,更注重引导孩子理解和处理情绪,有助于建立亲子之间的信任和情感联系,使孩子更愿意向父母敞开心扉,表达自己的情绪和需求。

这不仅能够让孩子在轻松愉快的氛围中成长,还能帮助他们建立起积极、健康的心态,更好地应对生活中的挑战和困难。

02 如何帮助孩子控制情绪?

在提到如何帮助孩子认识情绪、控制情绪时,董宇辉曾讲过的一个“蛇与锯子”的故事,个人觉得非常的形象生动,尤其适合孩子发脾气时,拿出来讲给他们听。

有一天,一条蛇爬进一家木工店去找吃的,当它穿过地上的锯子时,身体被划了一道伤口,被划破身体的蛇十分愤怒,于是转过身一口咬住锯子。

结果,锯子丝毫没有损伤,反而蛇的嘴巴被割破了,蛇不明白发生了什么事,本能的认为是锯子在攻击它,于是它越发愤怒,红着眼睛冲向锯子,用身体使劲勒住锯子,希望把锯子勒死。

然而,当它用尽全身力气后,锯子依旧毫发无损,反而自己被割成了两段死掉了,蛇到死都没明白是怎么回事。

董宇辉说:“我们的情绪就像一条蛇,没有危险时它会静静地盘踞在角落里,安静而平和;但当我们遇到不愉快的事情,感到愤怒、沮丧或者害怕时,‘情绪之蛇’就会活跃起来。如果我们不学会控制自己的行为,用锯子去攻击它,那‘情绪之蛇’就会变得愈加狂躁,甚至可能反咬我们一口。相反,如果我们能够冷静下来,用理智和耐心去对待它,那么这条蛇就会逐渐安静下来,恢复它原本的平静。”

父母通过跟孩子讲述“蛇与锯子”的故事,不仅可以帮助孩子更深入地理解情绪的本质,还能教会孩子在面对不同情绪时,如何运用理智和冷静去引导和管理它们。

【最后写给家长的话】

发脾气是弱者的本能,控制情绪才是强者的本事。

作为父母,我们不仅要运用恰当的教育方法,更要为孩子打造一个和谐稳定的情感环境,通过自身的言行示范,帮助孩子深入认识和理解情绪,进而学会有效地管理情绪。

只有这样,我们的孩子才能在今后的人生旅程中,更加从容地面对生活中的种种挑战和困难,成长为内心坚韧、自信满满的人!

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