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孩子10岁前过于乖巧听话,或许不是一件好事,家长尤其要注意

发布日期:2024-08-21 02:50:28编辑:网络收集

两个孩子,一个孩子特别乖巧听话;一个孩子特别调皮捣蛋不听家长的话,等他们到了青春期,谁的逆反现象会更严重?

前几天看了一本名为《养育最重要的事》的书,作者是日本著名育儿专家、儿童医生奥山力。

关于第二个问题,他在书中给出了明确的答案。

他说:“幼儿时期越是被看作好孩子,之后到了青春期,就越有可能发生可怕的变化。”

为了支持这一观点,奥山力医生还在书中,分享了自己在职业生涯中诊疗过的多个真实案例。

比如,一位母亲告诉奥山力医生说,自家孩子在上小学六年级前,一直都是一个听家长话的好孩子,非常的服从父母家人的管教。

可是不知道为什么到了小学六年级,她的孩子逐渐表现出不想去上学的样子,上初中后更是强烈到完全不去上学了,且对做任何事都没有信心。

并且她儿子还时不时的指责她,说自己一想起以前的事就想去死,并且慢慢有了自残的行为。

为什么之前那么听话的好孩子,现在像变了个人似的?对此,这位母亲始终想不明白,于是来请教奥山力医生。

01 小时候越好带的孩子,青春期越叛逆

奥山力医生说,幼儿时期的孩子,大脑还处于发育阶段,他们看待事物的角度和成年人不同,他们常常不明白自己行为的意义,所以,他们很自然的就会做出一些“坏事”,成为大人口中所谓的调皮的、不听话的、坏孩子

比如,一个3岁的孩子在家里画画时,可能会把颜料涂得满屋都是,对于我们来说,这样的行为当然是很难接受的。但对孩子来说,他们可能只是在享受画画的过程,探索颜色、形状和质感的乐趣。

如果父母意识不到这点,发现孩子做了类似以上把颜料涂得到处都是的“坏事”,就对其严加管教,甚至做出不当的回应。

父母的这种行为,或许短时间内能塑造出一个“好孩子”,但时间久了问题就会爆发出来。

因为被父母严厉管教的孩子,经常会过分强烈地感到自己必须做个好孩子,否则就不会被父母接纳,继而表现得乖巧听话。

就像撒了颜料被责骂的孩子,为了不被再次责骂,就不得不压抑自己的本性,要么小心谨慎的画画,要么不再画画。

然而,这种压抑本性的行为,一旦持续的时间久了,就会对他们迅速发育的大脑,造成不可逆的伤害,影响他们管理情绪的能力,导致他们很难控制自己的情绪。

等这些孩子到了前额叶功能、自我意识飞速发育的青春期,有了独立的“自我意识”,便会发现本来自己该走的路,一直以来都和父母安排的路有分歧。

较大的分歧,加上较差的情绪控制能力,使得他们更难以应对青春期的各种挑战和变化,所以会表现出更为强烈的叛逆行为。

02 懂点“脑科学”,让养育事半功倍

父母过于严厉的管教,如同沉重的枷锁,让孩子逐渐失去了原本纯真无邪的本性。

然而,若是一味放纵,不加引导,孩子则可能如脱缰的野马,难以驾驭,最终可能被自己的冲动所控制。

所以,养育孩子的艺术,在于寻找平衡,既要给孩子适当的约束,又要给予足够的自由,让他们在爱与理解的氛围中健康成长。

那作为普通父母,如何才能找到这种平衡呢?奥山力医生在书中给出了答案,即遵循不同阶段孩子大脑发育的规律,给予适当的引导与尊重。

幼儿期:大脑网络变化剧烈,安全感

幼儿时期,是孩子大脑信息量输入量最大的阶段,大脑网络正经历着飞速的发展与剧烈的变化,神经元间的连接也非常的细密。因此,这个阶段的孩子总显得过于活泼好动,不安分。

对这个时期的孩子而言,父母需要做的最重要的事,就是与孩子形成“依恋关系”,让孩子时刻都感到安心。

因为没有充分建立起依恋关系的孩子,就会活在一个自己并不完全感到安全的世界里,他在处理内心不安时,就会感到困难,从而难以恢复内心的平静,影响大脑网络连接。

学龄期:神经元连接更紧密,表扬和肯定

学龄期儿童的大脑,负责决策、计划和自我控制的前额叶继续发育,他们的大脑神经元之间的连接更加紧密。

因此,这个阶段的孩子都具备了较强的学习能力、记忆能力和思维能力。

对于这个阶段的孩子,父母需要做的最重要的事,就是通过表扬和肯定提高孩子的自我评价,让孩子感受到父母是尊重他们,且愿意倾听自己的声音和想法的。

青春期:前额叶皮质活跃,认可与守护

青春期阶段,孩子的前额叶皮质是最活跃的,但还未完全发育成熟,因此,他们在面对突发事件时,更容易表现出冲动和情绪化。

对于此阶段的孩子,与被表扬相比,自己的观点被认同更能让他们发展出独立的思考能力,所以,家长们在养育青春期孩子时,不必过分追求结果,只要在他们不断挑战新事物时,给予恰当的守护即可。

【最后写给家长的话】

儿童教育专家蒙台梭利曾说:“教育孩子的艺术在于适当放弃自己的角色,以便观察到孩子自然的行为。”

孩子的自然行为,是大脑发育的外在表现,与大脑的发育息息相关,所以,作为父母,想要培养出真正优秀的孩子,想要事半功倍的养育孩子,就必须懂点脑科学知识。

因为读懂了孩子大脑发育的规律,你就会明白,为什么那么多人累死累活却带不好一个孩子?而有些人为何却能轻轻松松的把孩子养好?

因为带孩子累的根本原因,是父母根本不了解孩子大脑的发育,不知道孩子在特定的成长时期,需要关注的重点是什么?从而抓不住重点,出力不讨好。

就像将一颗种子播到土壤中,该浇水的时候施肥,该施肥的时候喷洒农药,那这颗种子则永远开不出花,结不出果。

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