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孩子10岁前过于乖巧听话，或许不是一件好事，家长尤其要注意

发布日期：2024-08-21 02:50:28编辑：网络收集

两个孩子，一个孩子特别乖巧听话；一个孩子特别调皮捣蛋不听家长的话，等他们到了青春期，谁的逆反现象会更严重？

前几天看了一本名为《养育最重要的事》的书，作者是日本著名育儿专家、儿童医生奥山力。

关于第二个问题，他在书中给出了明确的答案。

他说：“幼儿时期越是被看作好孩子，之后到了青春期，就越有可能发生可怕的变化。”

为了支持这一观点，奥山力医生还在书中，分享了自己在职业生涯中诊疗过的多个真实案例。

比如，一位母亲告诉奥山力医生说，自家孩子在上小学六年级前，一直都是一个听家长话的好孩子，非常的服从父母家人的管教。

可是不知道为什么到了小学六年级，她的孩子逐渐表现出不想去上学的样子，上初中后更是强烈到完全不去上学了，且对做任何事都没有信心。

并且她儿子还时不时的指责她，说自己一想起以前的事就想去死，并且慢慢有了自残的行为。

为什么之前那么听话的好孩子，现在像变了个人似的？对此，这位母亲始终想不明白，于是来请教奥山力医生。

01 小时候越好带的孩子，青春期越叛逆

奥山力医生说，幼儿时期的孩子，大脑还处于发育阶段，他们看待事物的角度和成年人不同，他们常常不明白自己行为的意义，所以，他们很自然的就会做出一些“坏事”，成为大人口中所谓的调皮的、不听话的、坏孩子。

比如，一个3岁的孩子在家里画画时，可能会把颜料涂得满屋都是，对于我们来说，这样的行为当然是很难接受的。但对孩子来说，他们可能只是在享受画画的过程，探索颜色、形状和质感的乐趣。

如果父母意识不到这点，发现孩子做了类似以上把颜料涂得到处都是的“坏事”，就对其严加管教，甚至做出不当的回应。

父母的这种行为，或许短时间内能塑造出一个“好孩子”，但时间久了问题就会爆发出来。

因为被父母严厉管教的孩子，经常会过分强烈地感到自己必须做个好孩子，否则就不会被父母接纳，继而表现得乖巧听话。

就像撒了颜料被责骂的孩子，为了不被再次责骂，就不得不压抑自己的本性，要么小心谨慎的画画，要么不再画画。

然而，这种压抑本性的行为，一旦持续的时间久了，就会对他们迅速发育的大脑，造成不可逆的伤害，影响他们管理情绪的能力，导致他们很难控制自己的情绪。

等这些孩子到了前额叶功能、自我意识飞速发育的青春期，有了独立的“自我意识”，便会发现本来自己该走的路，一直以来都和父母安排的路有分歧。

较大的分歧，加上较差的情绪控制能力，使得他们更难以应对青春期的各种挑战和变化，所以会表现出更为强烈的叛逆行为。

02 懂点“脑科学”，让养育事半功倍

父母过于严厉的管教，如同沉重的枷锁，让孩子逐渐失去了原本纯真无邪的本性。

然而，若是一味放纵，不加引导，孩子则可能如脱缰的野马，难以驾驭，最终可能被自己的冲动所控制。

所以，养育孩子的艺术，在于寻找平衡，既要给孩子适当的约束，又要给予足够的自由，让他们在爱与理解的氛围中健康成长。

那作为普通父母，如何才能找到这种平衡呢？奥山力医生在书中给出了答案，即遵循不同阶段孩子大脑发育的规律，给予适当的引导与尊重。

幼儿期：大脑网络变化剧烈，安全感

幼儿时期，是孩子大脑信息量输入量最大的阶段，大脑网络正经历着飞速的发展与剧烈的变化，神经元间的连接也非常的细密。因此，这个阶段的孩子总显得过于活泼好动，不安分。

对这个时期的孩子而言，父母需要做的最重要的事，就是与孩子形成“依恋关系”，让孩子时刻都感到安心。

因为没有充分建立起依恋关系的孩子，就会活在一个自己并不完全感到安全的世界里，他在处理内心不安时，就会感到困难，从而难以恢复内心的平静，影响大脑网络连接。

学龄期：神经元连接更紧密，表扬和肯定

学龄期儿童的大脑，负责决策、计划和自我控制的前额叶继续发育，他们的大脑神经元之间的连接更加紧密。

因此，这个阶段的孩子都具备了较强的学习能力、记忆能力和思维能力。

对于这个阶段的孩子，父母需要做的最重要的事，就是通过表扬和肯定提高孩子的自我评价，让孩子感受到父母是尊重他们，且愿意倾听自己的声音和想法的。

青春期：前额叶皮质活跃，认可与守护

青春期阶段，孩子的前额叶皮质是最活跃的，但还未完全发育成熟，因此，他们在面对突发事件时，更容易表现出冲动和情绪化。

对于此阶段的孩子，与被表扬相比，自己的观点被认同更能让他们发展出独立的思考能力，所以，家长们在养育青春期孩子时，不必过分追求结果，只要在他们不断挑战新事物时，给予恰当的守护即可。

【最后写给家长的话】

儿童教育专家蒙台梭利曾说：“教育孩子的艺术在于适当放弃自己的角色，以便观察到孩子自然的行为。”

孩子的自然行为，是大脑发育的外在表现，与大脑的发育息息相关，所以，作为父母，想要培养出真正优秀的孩子，想要事半功倍的养育孩子，就必须懂点脑科学知识。

因为读懂了孩子大脑发育的规律，你就会明白，为什么那么多人累死累活却带不好一个孩子？而有些人为何却能轻轻松松的把孩子养好？

因为带孩子累的根本原因，是父母根本不了解孩子大脑的发育，不知道孩子在特定的成长时期，需要关注的重点是什么？从而抓不住重点，出力不讨好。

就像将一颗种子播到土壤中，该浇水的时候施肥，该施肥的时候喷洒农药，那这颗种子则永远开不出花，结不出果。

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