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为什么以前的孩子经常挨打,却少有心理问题?答案出乎你的意料

发布日期:2024-08-21 02:57:23编辑:网络收集

记得小时候,无论是考试考的不好,还是跟小朋友打架摔伤了哪里,最担心的不是被老师批评,或者胳膊腿腿疼,而是回家被父母发现,因为他们一旦发现,又免不了一阵批或者一顿揍。

我身边的很多小伙伴也都和我一样,无论是在家里犯了错,还是在外惹了事,都尽量能不说就不说。

关键是大家也都不把这当一回事,似乎觉得这就是童年生活的一种常态,谁也没有觉得有什么不妥。

然而,自从8年前生了禾禾,做了妈妈,开始关注身边其他家长教育孩子的案例,我才发现现在的孩子跟我们那个年代不一样了。

他们变得不经打、不能打了,甚至连稍微严厉一些的批评,都可能导致他们情绪低落许久或者做出一些过激的行为。

为什么在体罚频发的时代,孩子的心理问题反而并不像现在这么普遍?

01 家庭结构发生了变化

出生于农村的我,上有一个哥哥,下有一个妹妹。

孩子多,加上爸爸妈妈平日里又特别忙,又没有老人搭把手,所以,只要我们知道回家吃饭,下雨带伞,他们就几乎不管我们。

平日里都是我们三个一起玩,即使有有什么事,也是我们三个一起商量着解决,就算是在外面跟其他孩子吵架打架受了委屈,也不会找爸爸妈妈,而是叫哥哥去帮忙。

父母这种“放养”的状态,让我们早早地学会了独立和自主,也让我们拥有了更加坚韧的性格和面对困难的勇气。

反观现在的家庭,一般都是一个孩子,在家里两三个甚至四五个大人的关注下成长。

醒了,衣服鞋子给穿在身上,饿了,吃的喝的递到嘴边,热了,空调帮他打开……

他想玩水,奶奶担心弄湿衣服会感冒;他想跟小朋友玩,爷爷怕跟小朋友追赶摔伤了膝盖……

替孩子干这个,帮孩子做那个,目的就是期望孩子能把所有的时间腾出来,好好学习,考上一个好大学,找到一个好工作。

在家人的过度关注下,孩子的成长空间被大大压缩,慢慢的便丧失了基本的独立性和应对挫折的能力,变得愈发依赖他人,不敢去尝试新的事物,甚至难以承受生活中哪怕一点点的不如意。

02 社会支持发生了变化

记得小时候,除了放学写作业,看“大风车动画片”,其余的时间我和哥哥妹妹很少呆在家里。

因为我们可以约上邻居家的其他小伙伴,一起做更多有意思的事情,比如,玩老鹰捉小鸡,木头人、掉手绢等多人游戏。

还可以一起去河里摸鱼,去山上摘酸枣,去没人的地方去探险……

此外,爸妈有事忙不开的时候,也会把我们暂时“寄养”在邻居叔叔阿姨家。

我们在那里也能感受到同样的温暖和关爱,仿佛就是自己家一样;并且邻居之间经常互相帮忙、互相照应,我们从小便感受到了浓浓的人情味和安全感。

反观现在社会,虽然经济和科技的发展,让人们在城市的生活变得更便利和舒适,但也带来了一些负面影响。

尤其是邻里之间的互助和支持,就比如我家禾禾吧,打小就生在高楼林立的小区里,邻里之间平时都很少见面,更别提能像我们小时候那样,相互串门,一起在院子里肆意追逐嬉戏了。

研究表明:生活在信任度高、凝聚力强的社区中,青少年较少出现抑郁症和焦虑症的症状。

孩子打小在这种缺乏信任和凝聚力的环境中长大,难免容易感到孤独,焦虑和无助,时间久了,这些负面情绪的积累,也可能会对孩子的性格塑造和心理健康产生诸多不良影响。

03 释放途径发生了变化

心理学家和儿童教育家普遍认为:孩子的不良情绪,可以通过与同伴倾诉和户外活动的方式得到排解。

在翻阅了一些权威的家庭教育主题的书籍后,我发现以前的孩子,并不是挨了父母的打后,不产生心理问题,而是产生的这些问题,大部分都得到了及时的排解。

以前的孩子,不仅有无话可说的小伙伴和兄弟姐妹,还有爬树掏鸟窝的刺激冒险,有下河捉鱼摸虾的欢乐时光,有在田野间奔跑追逐的自由畅快。

而这些途径,都可以帮助孩子们,释放生活、学习中的压力、排解父母打骂带给他们的负面情绪和心理负担,不至于让压力和负面情绪一直积压在心里。

反观现在的孩子,随着经济和科技的迅速发展,打小就在父母的安排下,穿梭于各个兴趣班和培训班之间,好不容易有点属于自己的时间,还想看看电视,玩玩平板。

从而导致他们的大脑长期浸泡在众多不良情绪和压力中,久而久之,便容易引发各种心理问题,影响他们的身心健康和成长发展。

【写在最后】

马斯洛的需求层次理论告诉我们,孩子的成长基于满足从基本到高级的需求。

父母要想让孩子健康快乐的成长,除了要满足孩子最基本的生理需求,还要满足孩子的安全需求、社交需求和尊重需求。

给孩子提供一个安全稳定的生活环境,鼓励孩子积极的去结交志同道合的朋友,尊重孩子的想法和选择,不随意否定和打击他们,鼓励他们去探索和发现更广阔的世界……

只有这样,当孩子产生压力,或者陷入负面情绪时,才能更好地自我调节和恢复,找到情绪的出口,才能拥有足够的心理能量去应对困难和挑战,保持积极向上的心态去拥抱生活。

而不是父母稍微责备两句,就情绪崩溃,无法承受,甚至出现心理问题。

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