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道歉还是容忍?孩子犯错后父母的选择,决定孩子的未来

发布日期:2024-08-10 12:41:24编辑:网络收集

在孩子成长的过程中,犯错是在所难免的,无论是在生活中,还是在学习上。先不说孩子,即使我们成年人也会犯错,因为我们是人,不是机器。即使是机器,也会出bug。

当孩子犯错后,父母的态度很重要:我们是要求孩子说“对不起”,还是“孩子知道错在哪了”就可以。就这个问题,我问过很多妈妈,他们的选择是道歉和“知道错在哪儿”都要。果然小孩子才做选择,成年人的选择是“都要”。

几年前的一个晚上,墨墨又在床上蹦蹦跳跳,一不小心踩在了我的肚子上。我当时痛得直打滚,眼泪都流了下来。

我当时很生气,说:“你踩到妈妈了,知道吗?”

女儿一回头,见我都掉眼泪了,赶忙说:“对不起,妈妈!”

看到女儿无辜眼神,我的心就软了:“我就问她,你为什么道歉呀。”

女儿貌似很懂事地说:“我不应该踩妈妈的。”

我一边捂着肚子一边说:“妈妈生气不是因为踩到我了,而是因为你在床上蹦蹦跳跳不安全,不但会伤到别人,还是摔下去伤到自己。”

孩子犯错后,说“对不起”真的很重要吗?

孩子犯错以后,一些严厉的父母非要逼着孩子说:“对不起”,否则就不原谅孩子。然而,孩子一犯错就和你说“对不起”真的好吗?孩子一犯错,马上就和父母说“对不起”,时间一久孩子就会认为:犯错没什么,不就是说声对不起吗。

其实,很多孩子犯错后,可能因为碍于面子不愿意道歉。其实说“对不起”或其他道歉行为,都只是一个形式罢了。如果孩子知道“错在哪了”,说不说“对不起”也就没那么重要了。父母不妨说:“好了,抱妈妈一下,表示你的歉意。”允许孩子犯错的父母,不但保护了孩子的自尊心,还让亲子关系变得更亲密。

孩子犯错后,为什么不敢说“对不起”

当然,如果孩子犯错后能够像我们期望的那样,做错事就真诚地道歉,自然是再好不过的了,然而事实恰恰相反。犯错后一旦被父母发现,大多数的孩子先是害怕,身体僵住,然后就是狡辩,总之就是死不认错。回想一下,你家是不是也是这样。

然而,孩子犯错后,无论你是斥责,还是好言相劝,孩子似乎根本听不进去,还会大声反驳“我没错”“我不是故意的”。为什么孩子明明错了,就是不愿意承认和道歉呢。

无非是下面三个原因罢了:

1、自尊心强

有些孩子被父母溺爱惯了,自尊心很强,听不得别人说半个“不”字,甚至别人和自己的想法不一样都不行。这种自尊心过强的孩子,当然不会认错,更不可能道歉。

2、认为自己没错

2到4岁的孩子正处于自我意识逐步形成,社会意识还未建立的时期,所以他们不懂得和人分享,常常会说:“这是我的”,当然不会认识自己有错,更别说道歉了。

3、怕被惩罚

大一点的孩子犯错后明明知道自己错了,就是不肯承认,很多时候是因为紧张、害怕受到惩罚的心理在作怪。

因此,父母想要孩子敢于承认错误并不难,难在父母对于孩子犯错的态度是否正确。当孩子犯错以后,父母首先要做的是纠正孩子错误的行为,而不是孩子承不承认,说不说”对不起“三个字。

孩子犯错后,父母应该如何应对

孩子犯错在所难免,父母对此的态度非常重要。如果孩子就是不认错,父母非要和孩子硬碰硬,抱着“我就不信管不了你”的想法,那就大错特错了。父母不妨试试下面几个方法,让孩子从心底里说出“对不起”三个字。

1、先安抚情绪,再处理事情

孩子犯错时,父母虽然很生气,但是也要保持理智,先安抚孩子的情绪。父母要知道我们目的是让孩子能够反省、检讨,而不是屈打成招,敷衍了事。

我们可以和孩子说“你是不是很紧张,不用怕,有妈妈陪着你”“做错了事,你也是个好孩子”,先让孩子冷静下来,再去分析孩子的行为过失,最后和孩子讨论有没有补偿的办法。

如果孩子有需求,父母也可以陪着孩子完成补偿行为,前提是不可以代替他道歉。

2、要求孩子,你做到了吗

每次父母说孩子有多不听话的时候,我都会问他们:“你们做到了吗,如果自己做不到,就不要要求孩子。”

有些父母常常会说“我做到了,每次碰到、影响到孩子,我都会说对不起。”

我告诉他们这个道歉,并不是真正意义上的道歉,因为它和尊严无关。

试想一下,如果你和老公吵架了,你和你同事闹得不可开交,你会不会认真反省,真诚地道歉呢?当道歉的对象不再是孩子,而是和你平等的爱人和同事,“对不起”也许就不会说得那么轻松了。

如果你对孩子开玩笑时开过了头,你会给孩子道歉,还是转移话题蒙混过关呢。这都是父母以身作则的一部分,自己都做不到,就不要苛责孩子了。

想要孩子做一个敢于承担责任、敢于认错的人,父母首先要让孩子知道“道歉只是针对这件事,不是针对他这个人。”生活中当我们自己做错了事情,也要敢于认错,道歉,减少孩子对道歉的错误认知,做孩子的好榜样。

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