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孩子再小也能照顾自己,2到20岁分龄教养法,让孩子远离妈宝娃

发布日期:2024-08-09 12:01:31编辑:网络收集

有一个同事和我居住在同一个小区,多次邀请我去她家做客,却之不恭只好欣然前往。吃饭的时候发生了一件匪夷所思的事情,她婆婆居然在喂10岁孙女吃饭。我吃惊地问她:“囡囡是生病了吗,怎么还得阿姨喂饭呀。”

同事一下子脸红了,生气地说“她奶奶就那样,总是惯着孩子。”

这时候,我才意识到自己说错话了。

回家后,我不经意和老公说了这件事,老公却轻松地回应我:“这有什么呀,你知道多少中学生不能自己坐车回家,全靠父母接送上下学的。我们上大学的时候,还有很多同学不会洗衣服,不会系鞋带呢?10岁的孩子不会吃饭,算什么大事儿啊!”

如果说小学有妈宝的现象,还情有可原,中学和大学的孩子还不自立,就有点说不去了。

妖精妈妈认为,每一个妈宝的背后都有一对“不愿放手”的父母。想要提高孩子的自理能力,父母就要不断地调整自己的教养策略。所谓的“变”,就是要随着孩子的成长,不断地调整亲子关系,在合适的时候选择放手。唯一“不变”的是,孩子永远是父母心中的宝贝。

父母如何避免养出妈宝呢?

孩子自理能力的培养是一个过程,不是一朝一夕就能完成的。父母从小就要培养孩子的动手能力,不同阶段也有着不同的教养重点。

1、学龄前

教养重点:自己的事情自己做

有一次我去姐姐的幼儿园帮忙,正好碰到小朋友们来上学。有个2岁左右的小朋友自己背着书包,抱着睡袋走进幼儿园,后面跟着两手空空的爸爸,这一幕成了幼儿园门口的独特风景。我问他为什么不帮帮孩子,他说:“我们农村的孩子,小时候都是自己上学。现在安全因素变复杂了,孩子还是应该做力所能及的事儿。”

其实,每个孩子都有独立做事的愿望,只是父母认为他们还小,剥夺了他们尝试的机会。培养孩子独立,从小我们就要养成孩子独立穿衣、吃饭、整理书包的好习惯,他们独立完成的事情越多,孩子就越自信、越有耐心。

入学前,孩子社交圈无非是自己和父母,他们把家作为基地,慢慢向外蔓延。如果父母剥夺了孩子尝试的机会,事事代劳,孩子就会缩在城堡里,永远也长不大,遇事就会说“妈妈,你帮我”。

2、小学

教养重点:遇到问题,鼓励孩子尝试

到了小学阶段,妈宝一般表现在两个方面,一个是生活中的妈宝,一个是学习上的妈宝。

孩子没有生活能力,不会做家务、不会整理书包和房间,很多简单的生活技能都需要父母帮忙,这就属于生活中的妈宝。学习中的妈宝则是父母过多地掺和孩子的学习,替孩子写作业、做手工,甚至帮孩子解决同学间的冲突。

学习、生活、社交是每个孩子都应该掌握的基本技能。如果父母在这些事情上大包大揽,介入太多,会让孩子错失学习的机会。

妖精妈妈并不鼓励父母在孩子遇到问题的时候做甩手掌柜,而是希望父母先给孩子尝试和体验的机会,不要马上出面帮孩子解决问题。父母可以和孩子一起分析和讨论,并提出一些参考建议,让孩子掌握分析和解决问题的技巧。

3、青少年

教养重点:父母敢放手,孩子更独立

青少年期的孩子开始追求自我,寻求独立,想要挣脱父母的控制,如果这时候父母不懂得放手,左右孩子的一切,亲子关系只会越来越差。

我认识一个13岁的女孩子就是一个典型的例子,她每次在社交媒体是发完自己的动态后,父母都会给她点赞、留言,还会替孩子回答朋友的问候,甚至会陪她去参加同学聚会。很多同学因此嘲笑她,更增加了她对父母的反感。

如果一个十几岁的孩子一直在父母的保护下生活,什么问题都要父母来回答,什么事情都要父母来解决,又怎么会独立思考,独立做事呢。

进入青春期后,孩子就像人造卫星,父母就像地球,他们虽然围着父母转,但已经开始摆脱我们的控制,逐渐融入社会了。

孩子“心理”的独立更重要

对于青少年而言,所谓的独立并不是要把他们扫地出门,而是心理上的独立,我认为应该做到以下几点:

1、生活独立

孩子作为一个人,首先要做到生活上的独立,能够处理个人事务,照顾好自己。

2、人格独立

作为一个独立的个体,孩子应该有自己的价值观、人生观,这样就不会盲目追随别人,避免轻听轻信。

3、情感独立

除了生活和人格独立外,孩子的情感也应该是独立的,待人接物不必过度获得父母的赞扬和帮助,情绪支持即可。

4、冲突独立

孩子的独立还应该体现在与父母的情绪区隔上,不会因为认为父母的负面情绪是自己引起的,并因此内疚和自责。

如果父母不愿意撤下自己的保护伞,不舍得放手,那么孩子就跨不出家庭的堡垒,最终变成一个不折不扣的啃老族。

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