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学会高情商养育,让你和孩子之间的沟通畅通无阻

发布日期:2024-07-27 13:24:07编辑:网络收集

昨天我的手机一直响个不停,打开一看,原来是六年级的班级群里砸开了锅。班里一个小女孩在和妈妈大吵一架之后离家出走,一夜未归,家人急坏了,报了警,在班级群里询问其他同学是否见到过自己的孩子。今天中午孩子找到了,昨天晚上孩子一个人在公园里坐了一个晚上,想想就让人后怕。班级群里的家长议论开了,都在说着孩子不听话,真不知道心疼家长之类的话。却没有一个人站在孩子角度考虑家长做得是否对,更没有反思自己的教育。你对孩子的教育方式真的对了吗?

这些话看着是不是很熟悉,因为这是好多为孩子学习苦恼的家长经常说的。家长嘴皮磨薄了,却对孩子没有起到一点效果。不是家长对孩子的初衷不好,而是家长只是针对结果,只表达了自己的情绪,却没有照顾到孩子的情绪。所以这样的亲子沟通方式不仅无效,反而有害。那么怎样的沟通才是有效的沟通呢?

朋友带孩子来我家玩,孩子们在玩扑克牌,我俩坐在沙发上聊天。从工作慢慢就聊到了孩子,朋友两个男孩,朋友说孩子每天在家受老大欺负,帮老大干活,还一直老大挨训,老大趁自己不在家就要教训老二。慢慢地老二养成了讨好型性格,现在老二在家就像一个小佣人,一家人都使唤他,老二没有成色,每次都是活也干了,但干得不好,再挨顿怼。朋友说着老二的各种糗事,在一边玩牌的老二几次插话说“妈,你别说了。”可朋友好像没有听见,自顾自说笑着。

晚上睡觉时候,孩子问我:“妈妈,为什么家长总爱夸别人家的孩子,把自己家的孩子说得不像样。”

我们同着朋友的面说着孩子的各种糗事,同着别人的面教育批评孩子,这真是对孩子好吗?孩子的需求我们看见了吗?

换位思考一下;当你的要求不被满足时候你开心吗?你被别人议论时你的自尊心会受伤吗?没有被别人尊重时你会感觉良好吗?

我的要求不被满足时会不开心;别人斥责我时我的自尊心会受损,也许我会还回去;不尊重我的人我也不会尊重他。

你在要求不被满足时不开心,但却要求孩子对你的情绪全盘接受;你被别人斥责后自尊心受损,却在斥责孩子之后理直气壮;不尊重你的人你不尊重他,可你面对孩子却从来没有想到过尊重二字。这样的你和孩子根本就不在一个频道上。作为家长,因为年龄和身高上的优势,处于弱势的孩子,小的时候可能会惧怕你,但一旦孩子长大,孩子就会远离你,不想和你交流,甚至叛逆。因为你根本就没有站在孩子角度,孩子的需求没有被看见,你只是一个不成熟的大人。

孩子也和我们一样,也有维护自尊的需求,只有这些需求被满足之后,孩子就进入到想要实现自我价值的需求。如果一个人长期不被尊重,那他可能真的是对啥也无所谓或者干脆“破罐子破摔”。所以我们在对待孩子时,换位思考一下,我们是否看见了孩子的这些基本需求。

每天上了一天班,下班回家孩子的嬉笑声也成了我耳朵里的噪音,让我很烦躁。我说得最多一句话就是“不要吵了!”孩子满心欢喜的等我回家,有好多话想对我说,可我没有兴趣,有时候孩子一边说,我一边拨拉手机,或者是一边做家务,孩子就说:“妈妈,你在听吗?”我赶紧说我在听,其实我真没有听进去多少。

孩子在看动漫,我叫孩子写作业,叫了一声,孩子没有听见,第二声我就着急了,立马提高分贝,加入了情绪。

看了《高情商养育》后,我经常再想,因为我做的不对,怎么能要求孩子对呢?

有的家长从孩子上幼儿园起,就开始了蠢蠢欲动,给孩子报各种兴趣班、提高班,只恨孩子时间少、自嫌报的班不全,恐害怕孩子少学一项技能,就少了一个谋生手段。可这真的是依着孩子的兴趣爱好来的吗?

孩子如果都从了,那就是母慈子孝,孩子如果反抗了,那立马鸡飞狗跳。作为家长,我们可以自问一下,到底是孩子有错,还是我们自己心累。

成年人的生活里没有容易二字,职场压力、生活压力经常会影响我们的情绪,让我们有焦虑情绪,这些负面情绪其实都是我们对自己不满意。我们总想让孩子能一说就干,一做就对,一学就会。逼着孩子上各种班,还不允许孩子发出不同的声音,结果孩子厌学或学不好家长会振振有词:“我们付出了这么多,还不是为你好,你咋这么不争气。”其实你的焦虑情绪已经影响、传达给了孩子,孩子也会焦躁不安,在这种高压环境下孩子的天性被泯灭,要么情绪大爆发,产生逆反心理。孩子其实很敏感,有时候家长能开心地做自己,去成就自己,孩子也会受到影响。

去年开始看书以后,我开始重新规划自己的人生,每天下班挤时间看书、学写东西,这让我内心充盈且有幸福感。孩子说:“妈妈,你怎么变了,不看电视剧了?”我对孩子说出了我的梦想,也说了我要为我的梦想而努力。孩子听完后一个劲地为我加油。有时候我看到一些童书还会与孩子交流,问他们的看法,结果孩子也开始胡乱写上了。前几天我在写作的时候孩子突然对我说:“我以后说不准能当个作家”。这句话真的出乎我的意料,因为我在不经意间影响了孩子。

讽刺质疑、大吼大骂、甚至大打出手都是沟通的方式,但这些都是无效的沟通,仅仅是单方面的表达不满。有效的沟通是你把意见或看法传达了出去,而对方也接收到了传递的内容。作为家长,我们要传达给孩子的只能是爱。只有被爱滋养的孩子才会心中充满爱,充满希望,才会用积极的眼光看待自己的人生。

想让孩子接收到我们传达的爱,我们就要学会看见孩子的情绪,允许孩子说出自己的情绪,在理解同情孩子的基础上,然后帮助孩子“找不是”,这才是对孩子的关爱。

孩子经常抱怨,“当个小学生命真苦呀!”“作业这么多,我真烦呀!”“以前我一听到孩子发这些牢骚,就会直接怼回去说:“知足吧!你们现在是生在蜜罐里,长在阳光下,幸福久了就不知道什么是幸福了。”

现在我会认真听孩子说话,因为孩子的每次情绪释放都在呼唤爱,期待理解,也表达了他对我的信任,而我只需要站在孩子的角度,感同身受,让孩子感受到被理解、被关爱,如此我们才能和孩子并肩,引导孩子,影响孩子。

时代变了,我们的教育方式也要与时俱进。身处信息社会,各种信息不仅多而且杂,孩子有时候比我们知道的还多,你一句话给孩子,孩子就有八句话等着你,这个时候,更需要我们做个有智慧的家长。就像徐婧英在《高情商养育》里所讲:

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