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如何避免与孩子青春期的矛盾，这些经验，让初中生家长不再头疼

发布日期：2024-06-29 09:50:43编辑：网络收集

语言是人与人之间沟通的桥梁，温暖人心的话语每次都能给我们带来视觉与听觉上的享受。好的语言，便是温暖孩子心扉的甘露；当青春期撞上更年期那一切的话语就出现了种种的矛与盾的关系，也可以把它理解为亲子矛盾。一但语言出了问题，我们说也就是沟通出了问题。我们说一味的善良有时候也是一种不负责，就像父母对孩子，永远都是以爱为前提，但有多少爱是孩子需要的又有多少是孩子接受不了的。

天下没有不爱孩子的父母，本意都是想让孩子变得更好，但用错误的语言来表达自己的良苦用心，难免就变了些许味道，原来的配方一下子变成了偏方。父母也许并不认为自己的教育方式，是“暴力”的，是有问题的，处处充满了爱和慈祥怎么还不能与孩子达到有效的沟通，不知不觉间确实常常引发自己和孩子之间的痛苦。

语言暴力，是一种隐秘、不易察觉的暴力，很多父母的爱，不是不爱是爱的方式不对。我们成年人常常说把自己最好的和颜悦色都给了陌生人，亲人之间则是我们宣泄不好情绪的最佳场所。其实对于孩子也是一样，他们虽小，但也需要被尊重获得很多的肯定和鼓励，所以一定要语言温和，要少说，多引导，切记当着孩子的面发脾气，因为未来他们可能会变成你此时此刻发脾气的样子，这一点尤其重要。

身高、长相、吃饭、穿衣、成绩光环等等这样的词汇对大部分孩子都特别敏感，不合适的用词有的成年人听了都会感到刺耳，受不了。有时候家长们可能只是开开玩笑，但是说者无心，听者有意。久而久之就会让孩子情绪受到很大影响，脾气暴躁，变成与父母之间的沟通障碍。没有人不在意自己的长相，我们要告诉孩子，你有自己的独特之和可爱之处，帮助他发现自己的优势，其实更重要。这样，孩子便不会把过多的时间，花在纠结自己的外貌上，有更多精力和时间，用于更重要的事情上。久而久之在自己的圈子里有了成就感也就变得特别自信，觉得自己背后父母就是强大的力量。

很多家长总是在孩子有需求的时候给他讲道理摆事实，然后不了了之，并且时不时地按自己的要求过于挑剔孩子的行为举止，强迫他们达到自己心中成熟的样子，恨不得打催熟剂，让他们一夜之间长大成才，光宗耀祖。我们都知道古人说“欲速则不达”这句老话，十年树木，百年树人哪有那么容易，因此我们对孩子要有耐心，比如当他们有需求的时候应该多问问为什么，为什么需要，这个玩具有什么特别之处吗，哪里喜欢等等。如果确实有必要或者必须满足他，那么建议先满足再给他讲你所谓的大道理，当然最好是在陪他玩的过程中，这样在轻松愉快的沟通状态下，能够很快的约法三章达到我们理想的沟通目的。

切记不要一味地强调养他有多辛苦，为了养你，我太累了，怎么怎么了等等，在孩子面前一味的抱怨和唠叨这些，其实一点用都没有。大多时候父母的初衷无非就是要孩子们好好学习，好好做事，但还是想不了这么多，不同年龄段的孩子接受能力也有限，毕竟这些可能只有思想成熟点的孩子才能理解。他们反而会认为自己是个巨大的家庭负担，较之繁重的学习任务无形中又增加了家庭的压力，家的温暖瞬间少了很多。与此同时，自己的需求便藏起来，不与父母沟通。

甚至有的孩子为了讨父母喜欢，会隐藏自己的需求，即使那是孩子的正常需求。我们生活中经常听到这样的话，经常有父母说自己的孩子很懂事，不吃零食不买玩具，多么节约，多么文静，学习刻苦等等。试想一下只要是个正常人都有需求，成年人面对种种诱惑都不能做到如此自律，一个孩子又怎么可能做到呢，你的孩子真的是懂事这么简单吗，父母又是否真正走进了孩子的内心了解自己的孩子，又是否懂他们的需求。长次下去孩子的需求永远也不能得到满足，生活中也失去了一部分父母的关爱，从小被压抑的需求感会伴他们一生，也会很可能引发很大的问题矛盾问题。

愿我们能给予孩子更多耐心和宽容，引导和爱，切记不要在自己的角度给他们贴各种各样的的标签，多换位思考，用需要的爱和适合的爱去温暖每一个孩子，让他们都能像早晨八九点钟的太阳，光芒四射！

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