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走出“养育倦怠期”,妈妈这样做,再也不会“吼孩子”

发布日期:2024-06-28 10:54:33编辑:网络收集

我们都知道大部分孩子都是由妈妈来带,孩子自然和妈妈也是最亲近的,但是生活中最常见的场面又是:妈妈歇斯底里的吼孩子,事后不是自己偷偷抹眼泪就是抱着孩子哭..

01吼叫孩子的危害

哈弗医院著名教授经研究发现:经常遭受父母言语暴力的人,脑结构会受到不同程度的损伤,语言表达能力、智商、甚至记忆力都会受到影响。

想必各位妈妈都知道吼叫会对孩子产生伤害,只是不知道除了情感的挫伤,还会有这么多关于孩子未来发育的伤害!每一位妈妈都非常爱自己的孩子,这是毋庸置疑的,但是各位妈妈也要尽可能的克制自己对孩子吼叫的行为,避免影响到孩子智力发育,抱憾终生。

02发现吼孩子的根源

·1.养育倦怠期

研究表明:大约有8%—36%的父母会出现养育倦怠的状况,以妈妈为主。

所以妈妈在陪伴孩子成长的过程中,出现身心俱疲的状况并不是个别现象,而是处在这样一个比例范围内的事件。既然不是小概率事件,那妈妈们就应该努力振作起来,积极寻求改变的办法,帮助自己即使脱离这个困境,同时也为孩子营造更幸福和谐的家庭氛围。

·2.养育孩子的血泪史

生孩子是女人一生当中无法避免的话题,但生孩子所要承受的苦只有女人能懂,男人所谓的理解是那么的不深刻。生孩子的痛单单是那几个小时的分娩吗?

十月怀胎的苦又算在哪里呢?

生产后的各种身体后遗症难道不值一提吗?

不分黑天白夜的哺乳、悉心照顾孩子都是咎由自取吗?

·3.家庭琐事的牵绊

结婚后大部分家庭的家务都由女人来承担,因为都说男人负责挣钱养家,女人就负责把家庭把持好,这个把持的背后可是有无尽的操劳,并不比挣钱来的容易。现在绝大多数女性在把持家庭事务的同时,也有一份正常的工作,因为不工作的女性也会被别人认为是好吃懒做。

不也是需要足够的时间和体力来完成,所以处理家庭琐事一点也不轻松。

孩子出生后这些事情也就变得更加繁琐起来,用翻倍来形容都差之千里,可想每天沉浸在家庭琐事中的女人,每天能有多好的心情。

面对每天睁开眼就能看到的调皮孩子,对待孩子的耐心也会无形中有所折扣,所以偶尔的打骂也是妈妈的发泄方式,但又由于事后的愧疚,所以妈妈的眼泪也是呼之欲出。

·4.女人的情绪化无处排解

在怀孕、生孩子期间,由于很多问题的积压,导致女人的不良情绪逐渐的加重。繁多的事务和忙碌的生活让女人没有合适的时间和好的状态进行适当的排解,从而使得情绪化也变得愈发严重,甚至让人觉得像变了一个人。

突然对孩子发脾气,有时候就是因为一时情绪的爆发,控制不住自己对孩子的埋怨和指责,把自己内心的矛盾和压抑展现在孩子面前。当回过神来,发现自己吓到了孩子或者给孩子造成了伤害,又有无尽的悔意让自己止不住的泪流。

·5.老公的不作为

两个人组成家庭,因而俩人都是家庭不可分割的一部分,女人相对来说是很重视家庭的,很多家庭矛盾的产生是由于老公的不作为。老公不够体谅妻子的辛劳,总是认为自己在外奔波挣钱养家不容易,妻子工资少多做家务、多带孩子是应该的,老公的这种态度无形当中就给妻子带来了很大的压力和很多的无可奈何。

03正确避免吼叫的发生

·1.换一种沟通的方式

美国著名的游戏力认证师:马瑞,在接触了上万个有亲子困扰的家庭后,推荐了一个备受好评的沟通公式:事实+感受+影响。

吼叫:你还不起床!再不起床就迟到啦!我的小祖宗,快点起来吧。

不吼:宝贝,妈妈知道你现在很困,看到你这个样子妈妈真的很心疼你,但是如果你再不起床,妈妈和你都会因为迟到受批评的。

吼叫:你能不能别再墨迹了,抓紧写作业,再熬到12点,你自己看着办!

不吼:宝贝,妈妈知道写作业是一件很辛苦的事,当年妈妈也是靠自己的努力坚持才走过来的,但是只要你坚持做到快速优质完成作业,就能节省非常多的时间做其他的事,慢慢长大成为更优秀的人。

·2做好情绪管理

A.给自己一个“冷静期”

《正面管教》一书中提及“冷静期”这个概念,当你忍不住对孩子大吼大叫时,试着给自己按下暂停键,做几个深呼吸,放松下来,给自己两秒钟想想:我为什么会这样?我的想法符合事实真相吗?或许这些想法只是我的理解,而不是事情本身?

试试给自己一个“冷静期”,缓冲一下即将爆发的情绪,做好恰当的调控,避免自己因为情绪的爆发而带来的不可逆影响和伤害。

B.对情绪爆发做好及时记录和复盘

孔子曰:“吾日三省吾身,为人谋而不忠乎,与朋友交而不信乎,传不习乎”

及时的对自己不可控的行为进行记录,时候的自我反省,以及和孩子共同的复盘,能够帮助我们更好的掌控自己的行为,总而做一个可以自律自持的女子。

04适时地放手

孩子是一个独立的个体,每一个孩子都有他的天赋和梦想,父母要学会接受自己的孩子可能也是一个普通人,只要他健康、平安、快乐、善良,难道这不就是你最希望的吗?

曾奇峰老师说:“做一个好母亲其实也很简单,多为自己活着,把自己变成一个轻松快乐的人——是母亲能够给孩子的最好的礼物”!

对孩子的适当放手,也是对自己的成全,因为你不仅仅是别人的女儿、妻子、妈妈,还是你自己,一个独立的个体。活出属于你的精彩,其实是对家人最大的爱与帮助!

05接受现实,勇敢面对

当今这个时代对女性的要求实在很高!女人一方面要生孩子、养孩子、负责家庭的日常起居事务,还要有自己的事业。家庭事务主要是女人的事,孩子、父母也主要是女人来照顾,女人的事业还不能落下,甚至容颜稍有减退都能成为被抛弃的理由...但想要改变生活的现状,只能改变自己!

露丝-罗茜说:我们首先改变我们自己,消除一切不良因素,才能享受由于成功带给我们的美好生活的乐趣。

女人要试着调控自己,不能做情绪的奴隶,尽可能的调整自己的状态,给到孩子和老公非常温情的一面。都说妈妈开心,全家幸福,可见妈妈的状态对全家的影响还是非常大的,所以妈妈们也要及时调整好自己的状态,为幸福生活而努力奋斗!

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