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爱孩子可以无条件 但一定要有原则(2)

发布日期：2015-05-25 11:22:41编辑：Chen

他心安睡下了，我却知道这事远远没有结束。先反思：为什么在商定好的情况下，他仍然要偷玩的原因。玩这个游戏，是受同学的影响开玩的，然后就是同学在一起天天组队玩，聚在一起所聊的也是它，不入迷才怪呢。入迷后，放假天天呆在家，一周4个小时怎么会够呢？

这也是为什么我在发现他偷玩时没有生气的原因，因为当初商定时间，他只提4个小时的要求时，我就已非常惊喜了，同时也知道这个时间是偏少的，但考虑到他眼睛问题，惊喜后没有多言。反思到原因后，接下来应该要如何解决呢？违反约定，就要按约定受惩。

但惩不是目的，家里人要搞猫抓老鼠的游戏是很没意思的，也是我不希望看到的。那么能不能再次商定时间，多给予他一些电脑游戏时间，但前提是他不能偷玩呢？我看可以试试。

于是接下来，我准备好他向我提要求，并且已给他提示了，在他向我提不要扣他电脑游戏时间时，给他说：“扣是一定要扣的，这是原则。一直告诉你，你如果觉得电脑游戏时间不够，可以提出来商量讨论。

你也知道，在我们家，撒赖是取不到任何作用，偷玩是一定会被发现的，只有提出好好商量，才可能会达到你想要的结果。”如此提示下，不知道什么原因，却没有再提要求，可能是心里已给我下了‘一定不会给他增加电脑游戏时间’的定义。

上周余下的时间真的一点没动电脑。很快这周就来临了，他周一玩了一个多小时，然后告诉我他同学用语音边玩游戏边与他聊，他也想装一个语音，但一、不知道怎样装，二、爸爸不让他装。解决之道是：一、问同学怎样装，二、让我帮他说话，我的话爸爸才会听。我同意了会帮他说话的请求。

周三上午当我上班回到家，他在学新概念英语，他爸爸在煮饭，我开始洗衣服。过了半个小时，我经过书房去拿我刚才穿的领子有点黑印的大衣洗时，让我看到电脑上不是新概念的页面，我就走过去问他是不是学完了，他一听到我声音，非常慌乱地关页面。于是我又怀疑上了，查他的上网页面，发现他哪在学习啊，一直在查找怎样装音频。

这下，我生气了，生气的是他的行为，于是很严肃地告诉他：“电脑游戏、电视、书，我从没有反对过你玩与看，只对你有一个要求，玩的时间开心玩，学就专注地学，合理安排玩与学的时间，注意用眼。用学新概念来打幌子来用电脑，你累不累啊，学又没有学到，用电脑又不安心用，倒不如你学完后，再安心地查不更好吗？”

最后解决（此处省略若干细节）：这周电脑游戏时间扣半个小时，今天不能再玩。从下周开始，寒假电脑游戏时间一周增加二个小时，但前提是不能偷玩，如果违反约定，半年内不要再玩任何电脑游戏。

他愉快地同意了这个约定，但以后是否还会偷玩呢？让我们拭目以待吧。看到这，一定有很多人会发出疑问：他偷玩了，你还给他增加时间，这不是纵容他吗？会不会给他以后更有偷玩的机会？万一以后他偷玩了，你是不是又要给他增加时间呢？就这样恶性循环下去？

这些疑问我无法回答，也许会也许不会，只有真正发生了才知道。我现在知道的是：翔的需求与我的要求已不平衡了，才会导致他的偷玩行为。不平衡了就要停止发展的脚步，好好的反思、学习、调整，直至再次达到平衡，才能更好地发展。

在发展的道路上，总会不断地出现问题，不平衡的时候，我只要始终记得不平衡时停止发展的脚步，好好的再反思、学习，调整，直至再次达到平衡就行了。

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