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父母需学 适当对孩子发怒

发布日期：2024-12-25 00:44:15编辑：秩名

父母需学 适当对孩子发怒

　　一位妈妈曾来言说，有一次她上班快迟到，孩子闹着不要奶奶喂饭就要妈妈喂，一开始她都细声哄孩子，但是孩子不听，还大哭大闹，生气之下她对孩子哄了一句“你总是那么不懂事”，然后摔门离开。
 
 
　　这位妈妈解释，自己并非脾气暴躁之人，也担心发火会伤害孩子，平日里也尽可能忍耐孩子的任性行为。只是在那一个瞬间对于孩子的不满就突然膨胀，心里有一团火在燃烧。然而，这位妈妈在发完脾气后，她感到十分愧疚而自责，觉得自己伤害了孩子。
 
对孩子发火，你并非坏父母
　　现在的爸爸妈妈比起过去更愿意尊重孩子的人格和尊严，他们学着小心翼翼地孩子相处，学习克制自己的怒火，当他们对孩子释放怒火时，则会感到愧疚和自责。
 
　　不过，人非圣贤，对孩子发怒并非意味着你是一个坏父母，不要过于自责。如果你学会如何适当对孩子发怒，你会发现这是孩子成长所必需的：
 
　　首先，怒气是人不可避免会产生的情绪。每次对孩子发火后，我们总会下决心不再生气，然而这种决心一点也没用，强行积压愤怒，可能最后会导致情绪失控。或许一开始只是想指责孩子的错误，最后会失去理智辱骂孩子。
 
　　其次，父母有权利生气。每一个精神健康的人都有生气和愤怒的机会，父母们当然也会有。当孩子们的行为给你工作和生活造成了困扰，你当然有权利指出他的错误，让孩子意识到他的行为让你不开心了。
 
　　最后，从不发怒是轻视或溺爱。孩子不会感激你从不会对他发脾气，因为他感觉不到你对他的重视。其次，如果他做错事，你也不发火，这种纵容让他难以学会分辨是非。
 
怒气决不能随意发泄
　　教育孩子，需要适当来些发怒。但这并非鼓励爸妈们随意对孩子们发怒，发怒是一件需要成本的事情，具有破坏力，事后你必然要付出更多的代价。你可以用发怒说出你的真实想法，但绝不能用把工作、或是其它人对你的怒火强加在孩子身上。
 
　　同时，要记住你的发怒只是要告诉孩子“我的忍耐力是有限的，别再这样下去”，发怒要做到有教育意义，所以发怒时，千万别做这些：
 
　　·发牢骚、翻旧账：无论大人或孩子，都讨厌人翻旧账，这完全不能帮助孩子认识到自己的错误。
 
　　·辱骂或者羞辱孩子：当父母说出“为什么不学学xx，他就不会像你这样”、“为什么总是那么不乖”、“我为什么要有这样的孩子”……这些话会刺伤孩子的内心，怒气平息后你要付出更大的努力去修复你们的关系。
 
发怒是一件有准备的事情
　　你没有听错，对发怒是真的需要准备。发怒的时候，容易失去理智对孩子造成伤害，在你平静的时期就要对此做好准备了。不掌握技巧，你的发怒不仅毫无教育意义，还会给孩子造成伤害。
 
　　首先，当你感觉情绪即将失控，随时会对孩子发怒，可以试着去减轻其它负面情绪，避免情绪叠加：
 
 
　　·深呼吸法：找个宁静、无人骚扰的地方做深呼吸。做的时候使全身放松，意识放到双肩，呼吸要均匀，每一次呼吸都要比上次再长一些。
 
　　·独处调节情绪：有时候你的负能量并非取决于孩子做了什么，而是你面临了紧张的压力。安排出一小段空暇时间，自己独自出门放松心情。
 
　　另外，如果真的发怒，试着这样跟孩子说话可能会让你平息内心怒火，并让孩子认识到错误：
 
　　·少说孩子，多说自己伤心的感受。当孩子屡屡为看电视而不去吃饭时，不要斥责孩子成了“电视虫”，可以告诉他你有多伤心，辛苦做饭而没有会愿意去珍惜。事后孩子可能并不执着于你的怒气，可能会更在意你的情绪。
 
　　·直接阐述事实会更有效果。孩子做出不好的事情，不用特地绕到孩子的品质身上，直接告诉他“房间的衣服被你翻出来了，地板全是衣服，衣柜也乱糟糟的!”这样他就明白自己做了什么。
 
　　·发怒时，可以直接告诉他怎么做。孩子有时丢三落四，做事随意，总让爸妈们收拾残局，让爸妈心理积压了一股气，发怒时直接给他一些解决建议，让他知道爸妈生气是因为他不够认真解决事情。假设孩子总是把雨伞弄不见，发怒时可以说“我已经给你买了四把伞，为什么不到去过的地方找找”?
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