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爸妈知否 赏识教育的误区

发布日期：2024-12-25 00:27:01编辑：秩名

爸妈知否 赏识教育的误区
　　比起过去，现在的父母更加会考虑孩子自身的感受，严肃的亲子相处模式逐渐被淘汰，父母们希望孩子们时刻能感受到他们的爱，努力用一种温和的态度对待孩子，避开容易惹怒孩子的方式。
 
　　父母为了让孩子在成长中感到自信与快乐，学习西方父母那样，不停地夸孩子，跟他说“你真棒!”“你真是个好孩子!”。然而，赏识教育并没有父母想象中的那么简答，随意的夸奖，并不就能帮助到孩子。
 
 
称赞≠建立自信 认清无益的夸奖
　　我们希望孩子能成为一个自信独立的人，所以父母会毫不吝啬地对孩子讲夸奖的话。事实上我身边的很多父母，也学着西方父母那样去夸奖孩子。然而，这些夸奖却并非能发挥父母们所想要的效果，对孩子来说也没什么用处。
 
　　不分缘由的夸赞孩子品格、外貌的夸奖，可能让他觉得莫名其妙。为给孩子建立自信，时不时夸奖孩子“你真聪明”、“你是最漂亮的小公主”、“你是个好孩子”，然而，孩子听到的这些类似赞赏，可能会有些尴尬。有一次，侄女就像我抱怨“妈妈总说我是最聪明的孩子，可是班里好多人成绩都比我好……”她不明白妈妈为什么给她这么好的赞赏，只清楚在她的认识里自己没那么聪明。父母的夸赞有时候让孩子莫名其妙，更别说建立自信。
 
　　过分的夸赞可能会成为他心中的负担。有时候我们为了鼓励孩子继续干下去，会很夸张地赞赏她们。例如女儿偶尔帮助爸爸整理好衣服，这个时候爸爸却说“你是个能干的小帮手，跟你的妈妈一样强”，这种夸奖可不能让女儿感到高兴，她会感到羞愧，自己担当不起这样的夸奖，也不像妈妈一样能干，感觉自己就像个骗子一样，取得爸爸的信任。
 
赞赏适得其反≠赞赏无用
　　有些父母推崇赏识教育，但也有部分父母却在尝试赏识教育后，开始反对赏识教育，觉得赏识无用。
 
 
　　一位妈妈说，大宝总喜欢戏弄二宝，她想用夸赞地方式激发大宝作为哥哥的责任，经常夸奖大宝是个非常棒的哥哥。但是大宝不仅没有如她预期的那样，有时还故意把奶洒在二宝的身上。她觉得大宝似乎有些越夸越野，夸不得。
 
　　孩子并非夸不得，而是父母们不理解孩子。大宝戏弄二宝的行为可能是出于嫉妒，而当妈妈夸奖他是个好哥哥的时候，他自己感到欺骗了妈妈，内心不安，于是用捣乱的行为告诉妈妈“我就不是个好哥哥”，等待妈妈的揭穿。
 
　　所以，爸妈们觉得孩子在夸奖之后，变得更加不听话，更加傲慢。不要因此觉得孩子很难搞，认为“就连夸他们也不高兴，还要我怎么样”。其实跟大人一样，孩子也不能接受不实的夸赞，这些夸赞能令他们心里难受，做出适得其反的行为。
 
称赞孩子，懂得掌握技巧
　　赏识教育，并不是意味着一昧夸奖，而是我们要学会如何去欣赏我们的孩子，真心地称赞孩子，这里给各位想用赏识教育鼓励孩子的爸妈们一些建议：
 
 
　　1、称赞他做的事，比称赞他本人更有用。让他知道“我有多好”，不如让他懂得“我能做到什么”“我能把什么做好”，比起良好的自我感觉，来自对个人能力的自信更为可靠。孩子做了事情，不要急着夸奖他是“能干的孩子”，试试夸奖他把事情做得如何。
 
　　2、夸赞时，不要与别人对比。“比起你们班的人，你更……”，“在你这个年纪，已经做得很不错了”，这样委婉的说法，孩子一无所获。直接不客气地夸奖他做的事情，会更有效果。
 
　　3、你的称赞必须能让孩子找到意义。孩子们喜欢从你的夸奖中得到积极的答案。如“谢谢帮我扫了地板，它变得很干净”，孩子从“干净”中知道自己，打扫能力不错，能帮助到父母。
 
　　4、给孩子恰当的夸奖。有时候父母给孩子的夸奖太夸张，会令孩子不安。如孩子偶尔有一次考到班里的第一名，妈妈说“孩子，你太厉害了，这么难的题你都做对了，下次继续努力。”妈妈的夸奖不能让孩子开心，还令他倍感压力，他只是刚好碰到会做的题……所以，遇到孩子的进步，不要让夸奖给他太大的压力，简单地说“你现在一定感觉不错吧”，孩子可能会愿意跟你分享他的体会。
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