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生孩子前VS生孩子后,扎心了……

发布日期:2024-09-01 00:15:58编辑:胖虎爱撩妹

今天在网上刷到一个视频,是女星张歆艺早前参加综艺节目时的一段采访。张歆艺在里面说,婚姻生活改造了自己。她说,结婚有小孩很幸福,但却没有了热情去关注一些诗意和远方,语气里尽显失落和无奈。
 
这段视频由来已早,现在依旧被许多年轻妈妈转发、讨论,足以反映出一个问题:大多数女性,都正在经历或曾经经历过生孩子前后的扎心变化。以下,是大家提到最多的几个扎心经历。
 
不再是自由人,生活里没有娱乐和休闲时间;
 
夫妻浪漫指数直线下降,没了节日纪念日,疲惫的时候连亲热一下都觉得抗拒;
 
大手大脚变身精打细算,买衣服从月三四套到年一两套,化妆品从几千一套更换为几百一套。
 
懒癌患者变身超级妈妈,从十指不沾阳春水到辅食制作小达人,从周末早上睡10点到现在每天六点起。
 
曾经唯我独尊,现在唯子独尊。为了满足孩子的需求,自己可以没有需求。
 
从精致干练的职场精英变身朴实无华的家庭主妇,口红束之高阁,香水正以空气清新剂的形式挥发见底。
 
从大大咧咧到小心翼翼,孩子成了最大的软肋。自己生病爱答不理,孩子略有不适便寝食难安。
 
生孩子前高兴就笑,难过就哭,有孩子后,努力收起负面情绪,只恐对孩子造成不良影响;
 
生个孩子,丢了大半个朋友圈;
 
没孩子的时候逛遍祖国山川,有孩子后,手机定位永远在小区周边2公里。
 
这些扎心的变化,妈妈们或多或少都会经历一二。我们需要被谅解、被支持。但是,外在的力量只能起到辅助作用。想要真正走出心理困境,必须借助内在的力量行动起来,通过不断完善、突破自我实现成功逆袭。
 
 
那么,实现逆袭的行动指南有哪些呢?
 
1. 发展至少一项兴趣爱好
 
做自己喜欢的事情能够轻易获得满足感、成就感,因而会提升我们的自信心和价值感。同时,爱好可以成为一个情绪出口,来消耗工作和家庭琐事里的负面情绪,以此调整心理状态。
 
以我自己为例,我一直都很喜欢写作,在全职带孩子之后,我就开了一个辅食分享的公众号,将日常给孩子制作辅食的过程以及与孩子之间的亲子互动用文字的形式分享出来,尽管每天完成写作的时间都在夜里12点左右,我的内心却无比充实。
 
2. 用读书充实自我
 
高尔基说过:“我读书越多,书籍就使我和世界越接近,生活对我也变得越加光明和有意义”。用读书来武装自己适合绝大多数对生活失去热情的妈妈。
 
如果你因为不懂科学教养感到焦虑,育儿类书籍能帮助你解决问题;如果你因为产后激素变化导致情绪问题,心里自助类书籍可助你走出困境;如果你觉得精力不足,在工作和孩子的双重忙碌下喘不过气,时间精力管理类书籍也能帮助你打造时间管理体系,让你提高效率、减少焦虑。
 
人生遇到的多数问题都能在书籍里寻找到解决的答案,如果你没找到,那是你读的书还远远不够。
 
 
 
3. 放下对育儿的执着
 
在《被忽视的孩子》这本书里,作者说,做父母的很容易有负罪感。我们会因为孩子生病而自责,会因为孩子长得太慢而愧疚,也会因为没忍住发了脾气而懊悔。
 
事实上,这种不切实际的负罪感对养育孩子并无益处。
 
所以,在育儿这件事上,不要过于苛求自己,也不要过分苛求孩子。对孩子来说,你就是最合适最棒的妈妈。对你来说,别人家孩子再优秀也跟你没有一点关系。
 
我女儿有一册绘本名叫《我妈妈》,其中第一句就是“我妈妈是全世界最美最棒的妈妈”。女儿念的时候很自豪,我听着也会很开心。我告诉她,我的女儿也是全世界最棒最懂事的宝宝。
 
4. 让伴侣分担育儿职责
 
facebook首席运营官谢丽尔?桑德伯格说,女性想要在职场上更进一步,就需要将伴侣培养为真正的人生搭档。其实不管是职场女性,还是全职妈妈,都应该视伴侣为搭档,彼此共同分担家庭及育儿责任。
 
一来,让妈妈们有时间从“母亲”的身份里走出来,做片刻自己。二来,男性只有实际参与到育儿的过程中,才懂得女性付出的辛苦和意义,也能在心理和行为上更大程度的给予支持,分担对方的压力。三来,父亲花更多时间来陪伴孩子,会让他们的成长更加美好。
 
 
 
5. 树立理财意识和思维
 
很多妈妈,尤其是全职妈妈会觉得经济问题是生孩子之后的最大问题。现在,养育一个孩子的成本的确很大,经济状况能决定很多事情。所以,家庭资产的支配和管理就变得更为重要。
 
罗兰有一句话:最恰当的财富是,当我在路上步行遇雨,手中能有余钱可以让自己随便买一把伞,这就是很惬意的生活了。也就是说哪怕我们手中的财富有限,但是如果管理的好,能在关键时刻派上用场,这就很好了。
 
比如,为了防止家庭突发状况需要使用大量资金,可以提前给家庭重要成员购买保险来规避风险;也可以学习基础理财知识,做一些简单的基金投资等。俗话说,你不理财,财不理你。想要改善经济状况,学会科学管理金钱是基本要求。
 
6. 善待自己的情绪
 
做了妈妈之后,我们会因为各种原因陷入情绪困境。身边会有许多人劝说我们,你不要这么悲观,你要心态好一些等等。听得多了,我们也会为自己产生负面情绪而感到自卑和愧疚,然后轻易给自己下一个“玻璃心”或者是“矫情”的定义。
 
我看过的许多心理自助类书籍里,都提到了一个共同的内容:改善情绪的第一步就是学会理解和接纳自己的情绪。
 
比如《终身学习》这本书里提到的情绪日记法:每当发生一些令你觉得情绪大起大落的事情时,你都原原本本的把这件事情描述出来。原因、时间经过、你的心情、应该如何处理等,你会发现,当你正视情绪并且客观分析时,在这个过程里,负面情绪已经悄悄不见了。
 
结语:
 
生过孩子的女人,谁能没体验过几个扎心的瞬间?
 
即便有伴侣的爱护疼惜,有家人的陪伴照顾,有殷实的家境给你底气,但角色升级所带来的复杂体验是别人无法分担的,那些需要与孩子建立情感连接的细节琐事也是他人无法替代的。
 
虽如此说,我们仍然先是自己才是母亲。以上行动指南,看看哪条适合当下的你,立刻行动,更好的自己正在前面等着你。

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