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隔代教育对孩子的性格的影响——超出想象

发布日期:2013-12-11 11:12:33编辑:Chen

隔代教育问题日益严重,有一些家长已经意识到这个问题,但还有大多数的年轻爸爸妈妈,并没有意识到隔代教育问题将会带来的负面影响。没有时间,需要工作是成为爸爸妈妈把孩子交给祖辈去带的最大理由。说为了工作,为了生活,就把孩子交给外公外婆或爷爷奶奶,对于孩子来说,这是一个残酷的事实,说得难听一点,其实很多家长都在糟蹋自己的孩子,只是他们浑然不觉。"

不少年轻父母在孩子出生之后,带几个月后(有的甚至刚满月)就把孩子扔给了老人,自己乐得逍遥自在。我有一个朋友,产假一过就上班了,孩子交给爷爷奶奶带。他们夫妻俩都是硕士,但在教育孩子这方面却没有达到“硕士"的水平。朋友觉得年轻人干好工作最重要,带孩子是件很简单的事,交给老人就行了。

他们的教养方式非常落后:注重知识灌输,不到1岁就教孩子识字;不注意孩子良好习惯的培养,让孩子边玩边吃饭,肉类由大人嚼碎了喂给孩子吃;给孩子吃好穿好玩好,但很少陪孩子。

我跟他们说过多次,童年的经历是多么重要,父母必须陪伴孩子。但他们听不进建议,既不反对,也不采纳。我想也许是他们内心觉得不以为然,只是碍于面子不说什么。这孩子实在是太可爱了,我想帮助他们,帮助孩子。可是看了他们这油盐不进的样子,只好就此打住。

这孩子1岁以前,我们经常在一起玩。孩子长得很漂亮,脸上总是洋溢着笑意,到我们家来,好奇地这里摸摸那里看看,天真可爱。大约半年后,我再次看到了孩子,当时已经是1岁8个月,他的脸上没有了笑容,总是眉头紧锁,看见我们,一个劲地往爷爷身后退。我想拉拉他的手,他把手往后缩,眼神里满是胆怯。那天是周日,朋友休息。我们去的时候,朋友并未在家陪孩子,而是在外面打牌。

孩子跟着爷爷,在偌大的客厅里看电视,爷爷话不多,和孩子没什么交流,屋里死气沉沉的。孩子蹒跚着走到门口,指着门口小声喊“妈妈",我跟过去,蹲下来问他:“宝宝是要找妈妈?"孩子点点头,眼睛扑闪扑闪地望着这扇紧关着的大门。小小年纪的他知道妈妈是从这里出去的,他要从这里去找妈妈。

看着那小小的、孤单的身影,我说不出心里是什么滋味。在这个装饰豪华的房间里,孩子吃的、玩的、用的,随处可见,大都价格不菲。但是最珍贵的东西他没有——那就是爸爸妈妈的陪伴。周一到周五,妈妈要上班,周末应该可以陪陪孩子吧?

可是妈妈宁愿奋战在麻将桌上,也不愿意花时间陪陪孩子!孩子一点都不快乐,他还只有一岁多,他便不会笑了。 “会生不会养"的现象非常普遍,大多数父母把孩子生下后,带孩子的重担就落在了老人或者保姆身上,有的甚至把孩子扔在老家。有一位妈妈,孩子2岁半了还不会说话,孤僻,几乎不和别人交往,医生怀疑是非典型孤独症,但也不敢确诊,这位妈妈急得不得了。

她的孩子一直扔在老家带,老人很少和孩子交流,整天给孩子看电视,这就是原因。 有些父母虽然把孩子带在身边,但是由于种种原因或借口,很少有时间陪伴孩子,偶尔陪陪孩子也仅仅是和孩子待在一起,没有互动、没有交流。这些孩子整日与老人相伴,成了父母双全的孤儿!

如果父母不陪伴孩子,孩子会产生被抛弃的感觉,失去安全感。安全感是心理健康的基础,就好比一栋高楼的地基,没有地基,高楼怎么能建起来?父母自己不带孩子,孩子迟早要出问题的。

老人对孩子多表现为爱孩子,无条件满足孩子的需要。但从心理发展方面孩子的心理需要上并不能代替孩子的父母,孩子对父母的情感依恋需要不能得到满足,使隔代教养对孩子的性格发展并不尽如人意。

老人易受传统思想的束缚,接受新生事物较慢,教育及养育观念相对滞后,多年形成的思维模式和生活方式也不容易改变。他们希望孩子乖巧、听话,稳稳当当不出格,不善于运用科学的、有创造性的方式引导孩子。对于孩子因好奇心而出现的的“捣乱"、“破坏"等具有冒险和创新性的探究行为,总是急着加以阻止。

比如,当孩子捉来几只蚂蚁要喂养时,当孩子拔起花盆里的兰花要看根是什么样子时,当孩子兴致勃勃地拆一辆玩具汽车时,祖辈总会加以阻止和批评。

因为,在他们意识里,玩蚂蚁很脏,拔花是成心捣乱,一辆完美的玩具车更是不能“破坏"的。他们认为孩子这些出格的做法都是不良行为,必须立即纠正。

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