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爸妈会鼓励 BB做事更主动

发布日期：2024-12-25 00:26:49编辑：秩名

爸妈会鼓励 BB做事更主动
 
　　养出个积极主动的宝贝是不少爸妈们的愿望，但是真实的情况确是，不少宝贝做事是拖拖拉拉，爸妈说一下才动一下，真是令人纠结啊!
 
　　所谓“主动”，便是内心要会自发地想去完成事情，所以靠啰啰嗦嗦当然是无法让孩子内心获得动力去做事情。想要真正让孩子心悦诚服地主动做事情，爸爸妈妈应该要通过鼓励的力量让孩子内心有动机、有力量去自主地完成事情。
 
 
 
物质性鼓励不是速成宝
　　物质奖励，应该是很多爸妈们习惯给孩子的鼓励方式，因为它往往能粗暴简单地达到效果，让孩子开始做事情。
 
　　不过育儿没有捷径，这种方式真的能激发孩子的积极性吗?最近有一位妈妈变深受这种奖励方式的困扰：为了鼓励女儿蕾蕾干家务，了解大人们干活的辛苦，她给家里的家务事都标了价格，只要蕾蕾做好家务，便能得到相应的零花钱，这个奖励方式确实是让蕾蕾更主动地干起家务。不过蕾蕾却并没有因为爱上干家务和因此了解爸妈的辛苦，而是每次干完家务后拿着账单跟爸妈催奖励。不缺零花钱的日子里她会拒绝干家务，缺零花钱的时候，甚至连功课也不顾，努力地帮爸妈干活。
 
　　在这里，零花钱的奖励意味着家长对孩子说”只有你……才有零花钱“，这会使孩子的自主感下降了，受控感增加了，会削弱孩子做事情的内在动机。
 
　　当然也不是所以的物质奖励都会削弱孩子的主动性。当物质奖励不是孩子做事情的目的，而是对孩子努力完成的事情的附加奖励，能够评价孩子做事是否优秀，例如参加校运会获得了奖品，那么这就不会减弱孩子的主动性。
 
会用描述性鼓励更能鼓励孩子
　　与孩子对话是一门独特的艺术，称赞的语言能让孩子的内心得到满足和鼓励，更愿意做事情。但是鼓励性的言语却也不能滥用，我们要知道怎样的评价才能正确地激发孩子的主动性。
 
 
　　1、评价性鼓励对孩子的自主性培养用处不大。评价性鼓励就是夸奖孩子的品质、性格的鼓励，例如“你真乖”、“你是个好孩子”、“你是最棒的儿子”……在这种鼓励中会让孩子倍感压力，不知道自己为什么就那么好，为了符合这种称赞而倍感压力。做事的时候非常在意外界的看法，有可能削弱他们做事情的快乐和自主性。
 
　　2、描述性鼓励，可以让孩子取得做事的愉悦。摒弃那些空洞而不真实的评价性的夸奖，给孩子的夸奖应该能明确地表示我们很欣赏、和喜欢他们做出的努力、帮助、工作、体谅创造和成就。这些鼓励会让孩子自己批判哪些事情是否值得做，懂得主动选择做什么事情;同时当孩子做的事情得到认可，他们会对自己充满信心，愿意主动去挑战完成新的事情。
 
学会尊重、鼓励孩子的选择
　　当我们抱怨孩子做事过于被动，做每件事情都要跟爸爸妈妈讨论，总是没法做决定的时候，也要思考下自己是否给了孩子太少的主动权。
 
 
　　当他的选择没有得到尊重，会让他放弃或怀疑主动思考。对于孩子的选择，父母要是动不动就批评和指责。那么总是陷入失望情绪的他，会经常怀疑自己的决定是否正确，产生不自信。这会导致他在想事情和做事情的时候会有依赖心理。
 
　　无论对错，给孩子选择的勇气点个赞。当孩子开始学习自己做选择，例如选择今天穿什么衣服，选择如何制定晚上计划表。由于新手上路，这些选择有时候会给他和你带来很多麻烦。例如在安排晚上的时间时，把做作业的时间安排太短，而且是在临睡前，完成不了又发困，搞到全家人也没法睡。这时你不应该说“早说过要听我的建议”之类的话，这会让他怀疑自己的思考，转而依赖父母的决定，而“很高兴你已经会自己安排时间表了，再试多几次就能安排好了”此类的话语，则能让他不会陷于自责境地，而是积极主动地去寻求事情的解决方法。
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