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专家手把手教你和孩子对话的正确方法(2)

发布日期：2012-12-01 11:56:31编辑：Chen

Step 13. 视觉化——将目标及过程加以视觉化、具体化

例：你想像自己十年后可能成為怎样的人呢？

Step 14. 行动计画——朝向目标，拟定行动计画

例：一开始该先做什麼呢？

Step 15. 播种——為了半年后、五年后、十年后的将来做準备

例：「要怎麼收穫先怎麼栽」，从现在慢慢耕耘，到时就能看出成果。

Step 16. 提议——提供新观点，让孩子自己选择

例：先获得孩子的同意再提供意见，就不至於太过强势，孩子会比较愿意接受。

举例：孩子爱回嘴、吵架，怎么办？

● 有些孩子在学校动不动就和同学吵了起来，经常回嘴。当他和同学发生争吵时，如果从远处大声训斥，通常不会有效果。这时可以走近他，先听听他的说法。「那你想要怎麼做」、「原来只是你的方法跟大家不一样」，藉由聆听和认同，引导孩子说出自己的想法。

● 运用一对一的对话，敞开孩子的心胸。先让他知道「我很想一直站在你这边」，明白「回嘴给人的感觉很不好」，再感同身受的说：「就是啊，有时候可能还是会忍不住。」最后提议：「只要努力就有可能做得到，我们来勾勾手。」有了大人的认同、信任，孩子的行為就会渐渐出现转变。

举例：孩子动不动就对人施予暴力，怎么办？

● 有些孩子因為自我偏见，无法跟朋友好好相处。例如：跟人稍微擦撞一下，就认定是对方故意的，立即还以暴力。这时可藉由复述、认同等技巧，先听孩子的意见，问他「怎麼了」，设法拉近距离。

● 接着询问其他孩子对同件事的看法，重新建构事实，例如：「你们有没有被别人撞到，或踩到脚？」如果其他孩子答「有啊」，老师可以再问：「那你们為什麼没有生气？」藉此呈现出另一种观点：「玩的时候被踩到也没办法，就是因為这样才好玩。」

● 最后区隔问题，「有人会故意踩别人？还是你自己这样觉得呢？」让孩子发现其实这一切都是误解，进而修正自己的行為。

举例：孩子爱闹脾气，怎么办？

● 爱闹彆扭的孩子其实「很想跟大家一样」。先让孩子意识到「和大家一起做事时很开心」，再累积小小的成功经验，情况将大有改善。

● 就算偶尔又生起闷气，老师只要问他：「这样闹彆扭，会有什麼好事发生？」、「你想发脾气？还是想和大家一起做事？现在该怎麼做才好？」孩子的态度马上就会软化。

举例：孩子缺乏自信、抗挫折能力差，怎么办？

● 有些孩子尝试新事物时，只要稍不顺利，就备感挫折，哭个不停。这时可先藉由陪伴，增加安全感，然后教孩子用深呼吸法稳定自己的情绪。

● 找出孩子的长处，把肯定和称讚当做养分，帮助孩子一步步建立自信。

● 最后重新建构事实，引导孩子改变对事物的看法，例如，「做不好并不丢脸。只要肯去尝试，就有可能成功。如果不去试试看，永远都做不到。」

举例：孩子不爱上学，怎么办？

● 有些孩子生性胆小，容易因為一点小事感到恐惧，经常以身体不舒服為由请假。当孩子说出「好累」或「好可怕」，请先接受他的感觉，跟著重复「真的很累呢」或是「真的好可怕」，让孩子觉得自己的话被听到、被接受。

● 面对不想上学的孩子，父母的做法应该刚柔并济，一方面让孩子知道父母不会随便让他请假，一方面用陪伴让孩子感受到父母的关爱，告诉孩子每个人对未知的事物都会感到恐惧。一旦选择不逃避，就能克服恐惧，尝到其中的乐趣。

● 在生活中，也要多陪孩子面对不擅长或讨厌的事，藉著传授一些小技巧，减少孩子的恐惧。

举例：孩子有学习障碍，怎么办？

● 学习不见成效时，孩子很容易会觉得「自己很笨」。这时候要从相反的角度消除他们害怕某些科目的心理，给予自信。家长可以先用感同身受的方式，安抚孩子的情绪：「对啊，真的很不甘心，你都已经这麼认真了。」

● 接著和孩子一起从作业簿找出经常发生的错误，让孩子明白：「练习时写错的字，考试时当然也会写错。只要仔细、小心，一定做得到。」

● 一旦克服了一项学习障碍，孩子对於其他科目的学习兴趣也会跟著提高，进而渐渐摸索出一套适合自己的学习方式。

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