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我骂你是为你好 这样教对吗

发布日期：2025-01-15 18:51:56编辑：秩名

图片来源：太平洋亲子网
　　作为父母，我们都希望能尽自己最大的可能去教育好自己的孩子，让孩子健康快乐成长，成为一个优秀的人。可是出发点十分正确的我们却可能因为一句“为你好“陷进一种可怕的教育逻辑中。你会常对孩子说“为你好“吗?
 
 
　　“为你好“这句话几乎无处不在，小的时候，你爸爸妈妈会对你说，老师会对你说，你几乎是浸在这样的句式中长大的。神奇的是，这句式居然什么行为动作都能套进去呢!
 
　　我骂你是为你好，我打你是为你好，我不让你和同学出去玩是为你好，我来拿你和别人家的孩子比是为你好，长大了干涉择业，催婚逼婚通通都可以套上一句“为你好”。今天，同样和大家分享两个身边小故事，其实都是一些很普遍的现象。
 
　　故事一
 
　　这是发生在星星一个小堂姐身上的故事。我们家族每年年初八都会在搞一次家庭聚会。大人们会做做拿手好菜一起分享，聊聊天什么的。孩子们会一起玩闹，本来场面甚是温馨可贵。
 
　　每每晚饭之后，孩子们又有了新的精气神继续做小游戏的时候，星星的小堂姐Joo的妈妈就会开始在她身边催促她，叫她赶紧收拾心情，要准备回家练琴了。
 
　　星星的小堂姐Joo今年6岁，4岁的时候开始学习钢琴，每天练琴至少3个小时以上。平时孩子有各自的日程表，爸妈们也各自忙于工作，难得过年相聚一天，孩子们当时正在用扑克牌玩着一种叫作“拍棉花”的游戏。前一秒，还听见Joo很爽朗的笑声，下一秒就听见她在那里哇哇大哭。同时还伴随着她妈妈的大声指责——
 
　　上次去老师家，老师说你指法还不熟悉，还多加练习。都要考级了，叫你回家，还在这里玩玩玩!你知道我为了你练琴，花了多少钱多少精力吗!哭什么哭，还不是为你好!
 
　　Joo两颊通红，小手攒的很紧。眼泪哗啦啦地流。原来，玩性正起的Joo在妈妈的催促下还是很想多留下来玩一会，于是心急的妈妈掐了她一下，在加上一顿“为你好”言语炮弹，这个6岁的小女孩百口莫辩，只能委屈地大声哭起来了。
 
　　社会的竞争及激烈、残酷，很多爸妈更是为了让自己的孩子能够赢在起跑线上，总是费心费力地为孩子安排辅导班，兴趣爱好班等等。爸爸妈妈工作繁忙，生活琐事杂多，有时候对着孩子就容易没有耐心。其实谁都没有办法辩驳，父母为了孩子好的真心。可是是否只要打着“为你好”的便签，就能不顾方法，无视技巧地横冲直撞吗?
 
　　答案自然是否定的。只是平时我们总是惯性地没有去思考过这个问题而已。每个人都有放松自己和偷小懒的时候，我们是不是应该可以和孩子商量再作出约定，比如我们再玩到几点几点，我们就应该回家继续练琴了。或者今天给你放假玩耍，但是明天要比平时多练习2个小时哦!
 
　　给孩子一定的选择余地，而不是硬生生地要求一个心智未全的孩子立刻放下手中的玩具跟你去学习，或者只会在所有人面前一直不停地念叨着：妈妈这是为你好!
 
　　一来，这会让一个已经有了羞耻心的孩子在大庭广众之下，特别是在自己的小伙伴的面前无法抬头，不能自处。另一方面会削弱她和你的亲密感。最后，这样的行为还会间接负面影响孩子对于学习的兴趣。
 
　　故事二
 
　　还有个隔壁邻居的孩子叫芳芳，小姑娘今年才刚上小学。我总是能时不时地听到她妈妈厉声训斥她，这汉语拼音背了多少遍了，为什么总是记不下来!你为什么老是这么笨啊!有这么难吗?为什么老是默写错误呢!
 
　　接着就是孩子大段时间的哭泣。然后中间就总会夹杂着她妈妈的“安慰”——妈妈骂你这也是为了你学习能好，知道吗?妈妈是爱的你，不然妈妈怎么不骂隔壁家的孩子就骂你一人呢?
 
　　听完我也是哭笑不得。有时候家长的神逻辑你根本也无力辩驳。“妈妈骂你是为你好，不然妈妈怎么去骂别人家的孩子呢。”听着好像没错，可是仔细想想这当中的逻辑，却多少有些蛮横。因为本着对孩子好的真心，不论言行是否得到，教育是否有效，这样的逻辑原本就是没有道理的。
 
　　当孩子的学习出现问题，我们是不是应该静下来帮助孩子分析缘由。是学习状态不好，学习的时候不能集中注意力，还是学习方法出现了问题了呢?我们应该理智地寻求解决问题方法，而不是一味地只是责怪孩子不好好学习，断定孩子笨，没有用功······有没有想过表面上你的责怪是为了孩子好，实际上，那只是你情绪的宣泄，那并不是孩子要的所谓的“好”。
 
 
　　我们明明是真心为了孩子好，却反而让孩子反感，不能接受，这是一种教育失败。我们明明是孩子最亲密无间的亲人，可是却偏偏用了最尖酸刻薄的生硬方式去和孩子说话。
 
　　我们明明是为了孩子好，却用了孩子最不能接受的方式。最后孩子也得不到最好的教育效果，爸妈们也会因为孩子的不听管教而失望伤心。
 
　
 
　　所以，爸爸妈妈们，下次在和孩子说“为你好”之前，请用最合理的方式对待孩子。而不是打着这旗号，做着最无效的沟通!

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