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宝妈陪伴宝宝时间少怎么办？别怕时间少质量来凑！

发布日期：2024-07-25 14:26:11编辑：秩名


亲子陪量不够质来补

 
亲子陪伴少了，孩子问题便多了。亲子陪伴的重要性，已经是不容置疑的事实。但是由于这样那样的原因，我们总是时间严重匮乏，或者很郁闷地发现，我们陪得越多，孩子越是纠缠不休。那么，如何才能让亲子陪伴变得更轻松，并能发挥更好的效用呢？
 

※苦恼：陪伴宝宝的时间太少了※

 
出生后的头几年，渴望爸爸妈妈的陪伴，是孩子最大的需求。这种需求若得不到满足，孩子就可能出现各种各样的状况，诸如安全感缺失、胆小、自主探索意识不强，甚至还可能出现比上述更严重的问题。
 
常常有家长发问：“我家宝宝跟我不亲，我在与不在，他都无所谓。这是怎么回事儿？”“我家宝宝太黏人，现在我自己带，每天陪他的时间已经足够多了。但是，只要我在家，连上洗手间都走不开，怎么办？”每逢此时，我总是反问：“你陪伴孩子的时间多吗？”若细究下去，我们常常会发现，孩子之所以如此，大多数情况都是源于爸爸妈妈陪伴孩子太少，或者陪伴不得法，以致孩子的心理需求没有被满足，不得不以这种方式表达自己渴望与爸爸妈妈在一起的需求。
 
然而，很多爸爸妈妈抱怨工作忙，没时间陪孩子，加上工作压力大，工作一天下来，往往筋疲力尽，就算有点时间陪孩子，也是力不从心。确实，当我们身心俱疲时，陪孩子就成了一件考验我们耐心、爱心、意志力和陪伴技巧的“麻烦事”。这种无可奈何的心境，我能理解。那么，这种冲突是否就没有解决的希望了呢？当然不是！
 

※亲子陪伴质与量：孰轻孰重？※

 
要解决时间太少与孩子陪伴需求不足的矛盾，先要了解满足孩子陪伴需求的两大要素，一是时间的多寡，二是陪伴的质量。因为各种原因，时间的多寡，我们不那么好掌控，但陪伴的质量却是我们可以掌控的。然而，我很遗憾地观察到，不少爸爸妈妈陪伴孩子时，不仅时间不够，而且陪伴的质量也很低，或者虽然陪伴的时间不少，但是因为陪伴的质量极低，以致这种陪伴成了无效的陪伴。
 
孩子具有直指人心的本能。当我们陪伴他时心不在焉，带有敷衍性质，甚至隐隐地流露出哪怕是一点点的不耐烦，孩子均悉知悉见。因为看不到我们的诚意，孩子会有不被爱，不被关注，被忽略，被冷落的感觉，于是，他不得不就此做出回应：要么放弃对我们的期待，转而去依恋其他抚养人，要么想尽办法让我们注意到他——“永不知足”地黏着我们，或者让自己出现各种问题，甚至有的孩子通过生病来让我们“看到”他、关注他。即便是那些转而依恋其他人的孩子，他对父母的“无所谓”也仅仅是一种表象而已，他的内在如何波涛汹涌，是我们难以察觉的。当我们试图重新与之建立连接，孩子会有短暂的抗拒，随后便是异乎寻常的黏人，黏得令爸爸妈妈恐惧。而他不过以此来确认我们的回应是否真实，是否具有诚意。一旦确认，并且需求得到满足，孩子天翻地覆的变化是我们可以期待的。孩子如此用心良苦，我们又怎能视若无睹呢？
 
看到上述的描述，或许我们会很慌张：若孩子如此，我们又该如何面对？其实，孩子比我们想象的容易被满足，只要我们陪伴他时，身在，心在，完全放松全然享受地跟他在一起，那么孩子一定能感受到我们的诚意，他因此而满足，因满足而安全感十足，因安全感十足而将视线从我们的身上转向外面，他才会走出去，享受探索的乐趣。
 
相比较而言，陪伴的质量远胜于陪伴的数量。了解这个秘密，我们就可以更好地站在孩子角度思考，去满足他，为他成长提供更多滋养，也让我们的陪伴少一份沉重感。
 

※亲子陪有妙招：量不够质来补※

 
要提高陪伴的质量，首先要确保身在心也在。
 
身在心在是衡量陪伴质量高低的一个重要指标。当我们陪伴孩子时，把手机放下，工作放下，烦恼放下，焦虑放下，一切与当下跟孩子游戏无关的全都放下，并且享受与孩子在一起，那么，哪怕这个时间比平时短，也比我们心不甘情不愿花很多时间陪伴孩子效果好得多。一旦孩子的心理需求被满足了，他们常常比成人好说话得多。不仅如此，陪伴孩子的这几年，在我们作为父母的人生旅途中是如此短暂，现在不珍惜，将来悔之晚矣。而且，它带给我们的不仅仅是美好回忆，也给了我们成长的机会。所以有句话说得好：孩子的到来是为了帮助父母成长。孩子带给我们的，远比我们付出的多得多，有价值得多。只是这个真相，许多人都要在N年之后才能察觉。现在就明白这点，对我们来说何其重要！
 
其次，当陪伴与我们急需处理的事情有冲突时，我们可以尝试变通，将我们要处理的事情与孩子的游戏关联起来，成为一个大型游戏的一部分。如此，我们便只是分担游戏中不同的角色与任务，而无须与孩子分离，让他有被忽略的感觉。如此，我们只需偶尔跟孩子互动一下，各自“游戏”便可以相安无事，而且彼此都享受其中。而孩子，不仅享受了与爸爸妈妈共同游戏的时光，也在游戏中学会了独处，并自得其乐。他就不会因为缺乏陪伴而出现各种问题，也不会因过度陪伴而变得过于依赖爸爸妈妈，丧失自主游戏的欲望与能力。
 
当然，有的时候，我们依然会感觉到缺乏与孩子游戏的技巧。那么，当我们不确定该如何陪伴孩子时，请跟随孩子，用心回应他发起的每个游戏吧！哪怕这个游戏在我们看来很幼稚，很无聊，甚至很傻，只要这个游戏不隐含不健康的因素，并且孩子享受，那么，它就一定是有意义的，对孩子的成长就是有帮助的。
 
爱孩子，就请用“心”陪伴孩子吧！

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