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给宝宝贴好“标签”很重要，帮助拜拜顺利成长！

发布日期：2024-07-25 14:39:08编辑：秩名


“标签”是把双刃剑

 
“我家孩子胆小……”“我家孩子喜欢打人……”“我家孩子老是不专心……”当我们先入为主地给孩子的行为或个性下了某个定义，贴了某类标签，我们往往会沮丧地发现，孩子真的越来越“标签化”了。那么，这是否意味着绝对不可以贴标签呢？
 

※认同标签，是孩子的本能※

 
如果我们细致地观察孩子，会发现一个基本的事实，即孩子是最为敏感的，他总是往你所“期待”的方向生长——尽管，那个方向也许并非如你所愿。
 
之所以如此，源于人类的生长期相对比较长，在孩子成人之前，他们暂时缺乏自主生存的能力，不得不依赖父母或者其他抚养人而存在。从某种意义上来说，无论生理上，还是心理上，孩子都认定他与父母或者某个重要抚养人是一体的。这种一体的感觉带给他们安全感，让他们得以远离危险，得到呵护，与此同时，也抹杀了他们的自我，导致他们分不清自他的界限，因而无条件地认同父母或者其他重要抚养人。即便我们不期望孩子朝着我们所认定的方向发展，他依然会认同我们心底那个真实的念头，越来越趋向“标签化”。
 
所以，父母焦虑，孩子紧张；父母恐惧，孩子心慌；父母愉悦，孩子快乐；父母阳光，孩子灿烂……这种微妙的连带关系，便是标签发挥作用的原因。正因为这种微妙的连带关系的存在，父母认定孩子如何，孩子便会越来越趋向于如何。
 
即便孩子一天天长大，他积累了越来越多的生活经验，对人、事、物都有了自己的判断，但是，父母曾经给他贴过的标签依然会在他潜意识里留下印痕，扭曲他对自我的认定，导致这种认同以一种更为隐蔽的方式发挥作用。
 
因此，给孩子贴标签是需要慎之又慎的一件事。
 

※“坏”标签，不易察觉的真面目※

 
标签有其两面性。
 
“坏”的标签——负面的消极的评价是妨碍孩子身心健康成长的绊脚石。
 
“好”的标签——正面的积极的评价则是滋养孩子心灵，激励孩子自我成长的催化剂。
 
“坏”标签如：“我家孩子认生……”“我家孩子喜欢打人……”“我们家孩子害羞……”“我家孩子太闹腾……”“我家孩子自理能力太差……”诸如此类，都会很明显地给予孩子负面的心理暗示，使孩子在“标签化”的过程中，越来越朝着我们不期望的方向发展。这些显化的“坏”标签比较容易判定。但是，一些隐性的“坏”标签，却不那么容易判定，需要我们看到标签背后隐含的意义，才能看清它“坏”的本质。
 
隐性的“坏”标签常见的有以下几类：
 
●当孩子受到他人夸奖时，刻意“谦虚”
 
这种“谦虚”容易被孩子误读，以为父母当真如此评价自己，要么认为自己不好，要么心生不满，产生对抗情绪，引发更多问题。
 
●当着自家孩子的面夸奖其他小伙伴
 
忽略了孩子的感受，让他有被变相贬低，自觉不如人的感觉，打压了孩子的自信心与自尊心，或者让孩子有不被爱，不被重视的感觉。
 
●故意无视或贬低孩子的“好”
 
由于担心孩子骄傲，在孩子表现不错时，以与实际情况不相吻合的方式评价孩子，使孩子产生不满情绪，以为父母看不到自己的努力与进步而满心沮丧甚至“破罐子破摔”，或者导致孩子为了讨好父母过于完美主义，以致活得很辛苦，幸福指数偏低。
 
●不切实际地表扬孩子
 
让孩子感觉父母明显言不由衷，或者言过其实，因而对父母的话产生怀疑，甚至心生反感。
 
……
 
既然有那么多“坏”标签会影响到孩子的成长，作为父母，我们就要经常反思，认清各种标签的本质，避免“坏”标签，以免妨碍孩子的发展，给孩子的自我成长带来阻力。
 

※贴对标签，为成长助力※

 
因为有众多的“坏”标签，并且意识到“坏”标签给孩子带来的伤害，给孩子贴标签就成了一件人人都避之唯恐不及，却又不由自主都在做的一件事。
 
不过，好与坏总是相对的，不可分割的。既然有“坏”标签，也必然有“好”标签。如前文所述，孩子有无条件认同父母所贴标签的本能，不妨利用这个特点。若我们用心，贴对了标签，也可以为孩子成长提供助力，让育儿这件事变得轻松、自然，少了很多烦恼，也算得是好事一桩。
 
要给孩子贴对标签，不妨从以下几方面努力：
 
●看到好行为，及时给予赏识            
 
赏识时要注意实事求是，避免空洞无物的表扬，并且不要言过其实。“我看到你把玩具收拾得很整齐……”这些具体的描述会为我们的“好”标签加分。
 
●让“好”标签贴得更戏剧化
 
“是谁把玩具收拾得这么整齐呢？是爸爸吗？不是？是爷爷吗？是奶奶吗？也不是？那一定是玩具熊！不是？是毛毛狗？也不是？难道是玩具自己跑回家了吗？都不是？是我最爱的那个小宝宝吗？啊！原来是你呀！”故意来点转折，会让小家伙更开心，更印象深刻，更享受这种行为带来的戏剧性结果，鼓励他更多地做同样的事情。
 
●“坏”结果，“好”转化
 
当孩子有所谓“不好”的行为，不要责怪他。与其闹得皆大不欢喜，不如让它成为一个转化孩子行为的好契机：“今天的玩具摆放有点乱。不过，我们一定能想到好办法，让它们像小兵一样站得整整齐齐。这个玩具要是放在那个位置，你觉得会好点吗？那个玩具呢？放在哪儿更好呢？”当我们忽视“坏”结果，让我们自己与孩子结为同盟，一起去面对，那么，一个隐形的“好”标签就贴到了孩子身上，他自然也会在这种标签的暗示下悄然转化。
 
总之，贴标签本身没什么不好。关键是，我们要想办法贴对标签。要贴对标签，其实不难，难的是我们能否经常反思，时刻保持警觉，防止陷入习惯性的反应模式。

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