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宝宝玩游戏一定要有性别之分嘛？

发布日期：2024-07-25 14:40:58编辑：秩名


玩游戏，无性别！

 
男孩玩打仗，女孩过家家，这是我们最常见到，也最容易接受的现象。然而，倘若反过来，女孩喜欢打打杀杀，男孩偏好阴柔的游戏，我们难免困惑。玩游戏，一定要区分性别吗？
 

※男孩玩打仗，女孩过家家※

 
通常，男孩都比较偏爱那些打打杀杀、竞争激烈、有较强破坏力、能够探究前因后果、规则意识强烈的游戏。一个玩具给他们，他们常常抑制不住内在的兴奋，急于拆开看个究竟，以了解其中的原理，或者看看自己能对这个玩具做点什么。因为大多数的男孩都喜欢敲敲打打，以致要不了多久就可能让他们的新玩具体无完肤。不仅如此，他们手中的每个玩具，都可能成为“武器”，让他们变得更有力量，更强大。
 
女孩则被普遍认为天生懂得关怀、照顾他人，更注重关系，也更爱惜玩具。无论什么样的物品到她们手里，都可能被注入感情，或成为她们拓展关系的基础，用来玩各种富有母性的游戏，如煮饭、照顾孩子，玩各种感情丰富、贴近现实生活的角色扮演游戏等。
 
大多数孩子在游戏时都会有这种明显的性别偏好。不过，也有例外。有些女孩可能对那些富有母性的游戏完全没有兴趣，偏偏喜欢混在男孩堆里玩耍，成为假小子；有些男孩则温顺、阴柔，对打打杀杀的游戏不屑一顾，甚至偏爱做饭、照顾病人等“女孩的游戏”。
 
记得有位妈妈提到，她不到3岁的儿子对汽车、枪炮、机械、积木等偏男孩化的玩具完全没有兴趣。每次逛商场，小家伙看上的都是仿真厨具、绒布娃娃等“女孩玩具”，甚至对妈妈的化妆品也充满了好奇，总有尝试的冲动。妈妈对此十分困扰，担心孩子的性别意识有问题。
 

※游戏，无关性别※

 
诚然，男孩、女孩不同的游戏偏好决定了他们未来的走向，对孩子性别意识的形成与定位确实有着积极的意义。也因此，当男孩女孩的“游戏取向”偏离我们期待的时候，大多数的家长都会内心恐慌，产生诸多疑虑：孩子会不会由此性别意识产生错位，男孩女性化、女孩男性化，甚至将来成为同性恋，为这个社会所难以接纳呢？顾虑到这样一个后果，在担忧之余，我们很可能给孩子贴各种负面标签，想方设法去改变孩子，给孩子带来压力，引发亲子冲突，让孩子觉得自己不好，损害孩子的自我价值感。
 
实际上，对孩子来说，游戏仅仅是游戏，跟性别意识没有必然的联系。女孩子玩男孩子的游戏，男孩子玩女孩子的游戏，都不过是孩子成长过程中一个小小的插曲而已。很多小时候的“假小子”，成年后同样是极富母性的好妈妈；很多小时候很温顺、阴柔的小男孩，成年后也可以是顶天立地的男子汉。每个孩子都是特别的个体，他们可以有自己独特的游戏偏好，无需依照我们的价值观去改变自己。因此，当孩子偏好的游戏与我们的期待不相吻合时，我们无需焦虑。孩子特别感兴趣的事情，也许就是他将来的发展方向，正确引导，一切便在掌控中。
 

※性别意识错位不是游戏的错※

 
如果孩子出现性别意识错位的现象，那并非是游戏的错，而是跟家庭养育方式有关，也跟孩子所处的环境有关。比如，有的家庭特别期待男孩，结果偏偏养育了一个女孩，或者相反。当孩子的性别与我们的期待不相吻合时，有些家长潜意识里就会照着自己期待的性别方向养育孩子，或者无意间表露出更喜异性别的孩子，这就可能暗示孩子朝着父母期待的性别靠近，导致孩子性别意识错位。
 
另外，若孩子长期处在性别单一的养育环境，缺乏异性别的成员参与，抚养人没有留意及时给予弥补，也会导致孩子性别意识错位。如夫妻离异，单亲养育孩子，抚养孩子的一方排斥离异的另一方，甚至心怀怨恨，并将这种怨恨传递给孩子，可能就会导致孩子对性别的认同出现偏差。
 
若我们很自然地接纳孩子本来的模样，营造适合孩子性别意识形成的家庭环境或者外部环境，孩子对自己的性别自然不会出现偏差，我们也无需因为男孩、女孩游戏的差异而焦虑。
 

※顺势让游戏引导性别取向※

 
当男孩更倾向于女孩游戏、女孩更倾向于男孩游戏时，一方面，我们没必要如临大敌，大可以放松面对；另一方面，我们也可以顺势而为，帮助孩子将游戏拓展到更适合他性别的方向。
 
如，男孩子喜欢做饭，也许我们给他机会，他将来成为顶级的美食家、厨艺家。男孩喜欢玩妈妈的化妆品，我们也不必紧张，他未必因此就成长为一个娘娘腔的男人——若我们引导他去研究化妆品的成分、香型、功用、色调、产地、适应人群……将其拓展成一个富有探索意义的游戏，这个游戏便会转向，如此，我们就可以不打压孩子的兴趣、给他贴负面的标签、带给他压力，甚至最终逼迫他性别错位，同时又可以给他更多研究的机会。而孩子经由这样的引导，也许将来就会在研制化妆品这个行业走得很远，或因化妆品的某个特性拓展，对与之相关的其他行业如化学、旅游、健康、医药……产生兴趣。而这些行业，无所谓性别之分。
 
总之，游戏无性别。男孩不会因为玩了“女孩游戏”就变得女性化，女孩也不会因为玩了“男孩游戏”而变得男性化。对孩子来说，他的未来有太多的可能性，我们无需狭隘地去面对。实际上，无论孩子玩什么样的游戏，若我们淡定面对，自然接纳，不因为内心恐惧给孩子施加压力，并在这个基础上因势利导，男孩游戏一样可以滋养女性意识，女孩游戏也可以发展男性意识。如此，我们还有什么可以担忧的呢？

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