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宝妈注意啦千万别让你的食言辜负了孩子对你的信任！

发布日期：2024-07-25 14:38:31编辑：秩名


孩子的信任你别辜负

 
对于0～3岁的孩子来说，父母是天，是地，是安全感的来源，也是与这个世界建立关联的可靠桥梁。孩子全然地信赖成人（尤其是父母），没有丝毫的保留。唯其如此，一旦成人（尤其是父母）食言，对孩子来说，可不仅仅是失信这么简单……
 

※无心之过，让孩子很受伤※

 
朋友家有个不到3岁的小男孩。某次，正巧赶上小男孩感冒。妈妈在家照顾了孩子两天。第三天，孩子的状况有所好转，加上单位有急事，妈妈便将孩子交托给外公外婆照看，自己上班去了。午间休息时，妈妈不放心，打电话回家询问情况。听到孩子依然发烧，妈妈很着急，当即答应马上回家。奶奶嘴快，立刻将这个消息告诉了孩子。孩子自然很开心，满怀希望地期待妈妈回家。没想到外公很淡定，随后给妈妈打了个电话，告诉她孩子的状况尚好，如果单位有事忙，就不用那么着急回家了。凑巧的是，那天单位还真是事情比较多也比较紧急，于是，妈妈决定先处理完手头的工作再回家。我的这位朋友算是很懂孩子了，自然不会忘记叮嘱家人做好孩子的思想工作。然而，即便如此，依然发生了令她后悔不迭的事情。
 
那天回到家，孩子看到妈妈，一边喊着“找妈妈”，一边以惊恐的眼神看着妈妈，并躲避妈妈。当妈妈走向孩子，试图抱他时，孩子惊慌失措地跑开了。妈妈看孩子不要自己，想先换好家居服再去安抚孩子。谁知，看到妈妈离开，孩子更恐慌了，一边喊着“要妈妈”，一边惶惶然追了过去。妈妈试图抱孩子，孩子又惊恐地逃离。如此反复多次，孩子才放下心中隔阂，接受了妈妈，趴在妈妈怀里放声大哭。这位朋友已经考虑到孩子可能经受的考验，并尝试做了一些工作，即便如此，妈妈的无心之过依然让孩子很受伤。若这位朋友不懂孩子，她可能根本就不会去考虑孩子的感受，更不会叮嘱家人做思想工作，让孩子有足够的心理准备，那么，孩子经受的打击就更为严重了。
 

※不是你想逗，就可以逗孩子※

 
上述事件的发生纯属偶然，或许不具有普遍意义。而有意无意逗孩子，则是常有的事。成人逗孩子，通常有两种类型。一是吓唬孩子，以观察孩子的反应取乐。如：
 
“快叫阿姨，不叫阿姨，这玩具就不给你了。”
 
“不好好吃饭，妈妈就不回家了。”
 
“表现不好，明天就把你放幼儿园，不接回家了。”
 
“快把好吃的给我吃点，要不我可要全部抢走了。”
 
……
 
成人逗孩子的另一种方式是哄骗，最常见的是为了阻止孩子的某个行为，胡乱向他许诺，事后却不兑现。如：
 
“你要好好吃饭，一会儿我给你买巧克力。”
 
“你不哭了，我就给你买玩具。”
 
孩子缺乏判断力，不辨真假，常常把成人的话当真。孩子当真，或在事后发现被骗，都会带来很多意想不到的问题。当然，孩子们之间往往存在比较大的个体差异，并非每个孩子都如我朋友家的这个小男孩如此敏感。那些天性粗线条一些的孩子兴许很快就忘了这件事，不会有如此大的反应。尽管如此，无论对哪种类型的孩子，伤害都是存在的。
 

※孩子很生气，后果很严重※

 
第一种逗弄的方式会让孩子很生气，并对外界产生明显的不信任感，进而惧怕与逗弄他的人交往，甚至推而广之，导致孩子对与其他人交往也失去兴趣。这种不愉悦的体验会严重损害孩子的安全感。部分孩子在经历一两次这样的事件之后可能会惧怕外出，拒绝与人交往，甚至见人就躲。若这种逗弄来自父母等至亲的家人，带给孩子的伤害便更为严重。试想想，连父母及至亲的家人都不可以信赖，孩子还敢信赖谁呢？
 
第二种逗弄方式虽然可以暂时安抚孩子，或者尽快平息冲突，但当孩子意识到自己被骗之后，他一样会很生气，或者不再信任骗他的人，连带周围所有人都不再信任。当然，在我们试图向孩子传递规则时，他一样会以怀疑的眼光看待，总想尝试突破底线也就是他很自然的一种反应了。除此之外，孩子还会模仿，养成撒谎的习惯。
 
而且，一个因经常被骗而安全感缺失的孩子往往少了孩子气，对孩子本该关注的事物缺乏兴趣，学习兴趣淡薄，关注的重心往往在成人身上。就算你一再保证承诺的真实性，他也需要不断确认，纠缠其是否可靠。当孩子纠缠于这些时，他的发展自然因此受到阻碍。
 

※请珍惜孩子对你的信任※

 
比较而言，孩子最信任的首先是父母（或者其他起主导作用的抚养人）。因此，外人哄骗一下孩子，虽然对他会产生影响，但终归与父母无可匹敌。对孩子来说，父母可信，世界便可信。因此，父母一诺千金，对孩子身心健康发展，以及树立父母的威信起着极其重要的作用。
 
其他人我们无法掌控，但至少，我们可以掌控自己的言行，给孩子一片诚信的天地。哪怕我们的诚信有时候会让孩子难以接受，也比哄骗他带来的负面影响要小得多。比如，很多家长在去上班时，若逢孩子哭闹纠缠，就会哄骗孩子去关注其他事情，在他不经意间溜走。但是，与其因此辜负孩子的信任，不如如实告知孩子真相，让他明白，爸爸妈妈上班、下班是很自然的一个过程。孩子理解了，自然不哭闹不纠缠了。他也因此明白，父母说话算话，心里反而多一份踏实感。
 
很多朋友可能会疑惑，我们可以控制自己，但是控制不了他人，若有人善意地哄骗逗弄孩子，又该如何面对呢？此时，我们无需担心逗孩子的朋友是否难堪，而是该与孩子站在同一战线，与对方斗智斗勇，将其转换成一个游戏即可。如此，对方不会觉得难堪，自己不会觉得难堪，而孩子也在我们陪他一同面对的过程中学会更多社交的技巧，何乐而不为呢？
 
守信是我们必须做到的，但这并不表明，我们从此就连那些富有想象力的叙述都要一棍子打死。当我们试图告知孩子某些真相时，用一个富有想象力的解释往往可以避免冲突，减少孩子的焦虑情绪，这样的方式顺应了孩子的天性，时不时天马行空一番又有何妨？

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